Did I mention some of those rather pointed comments people make to you? I am sure you could add a few more . So then that rather critical statement - "but how do they cope without spending time with other children?" Of course we all know this is not true. However we are probably more conscious than most mom's of our children's socialisation issues. I kind of count and balance the days. OK so 2 days of play dates, 2 non educational excursions with people around(surely that's considered socialisation?) and then of course sport. I am sure none of you sit and calculate how many days you have spent with and around people. But I used to do that as part of our homeschooling complex (yes I have one.. sometimes).
I recently stopped counting and decided that I would choose key opportunities for my children to get Out and About. My concerns are now more centred around making sure there is a balance between friends, exercise and sport, being content at just being at home and learning experiences outside of the home.
I have only lived in Kalk Bay for over a year now and yet we have already developed a substantial program for our children. Some of you may be new to homeschooling, others new to an area, or just struggling to know how to manage the social issue. This is how I went about it, and in fact still do.
* Phone schools - They always need able bodied individuals whether its for sport, chess or a drama club. Not all schools are open to this but so what, just keep knocking until you find one.
* Scour the Newspapers - I look out for interesting activities that children can participate in like walks, talks, open days, theatre, art exhibitions, shows on ice. Lots of these can be free so don't feel you have to always pay a fortune for your children's activities.
* Internet search - I sometimes just search on Google for "Kalk Bay" or "Fish Hoek" and see what websites are listed and what activities they mention. Sometimes you will find something unexpected.
* Social Networks - A invaluable resource. I belong to a few homeschooling groups which announce various activities that anyone can participate in. If there isn't one, why not start one. Even if its a small group, at least there is a community. Also don't just look at Facebook, there are groups in Linked In, Twitter and so many more.
* Don't Isolate Yourself from School Going Children -They know lots! Sometimes school going children hear about activities that are being advertised in the area. Extra classes, a special event - maybe even an excursion that you could ask about joining.
* Travel a Bit if it's That Important to You - Trying to stay in a 10 km radius could be challenging, especially if you live in a small town. Don't have transport? Take a train. Ask friends whether you can contribute to petrol. Ask if can borrow their second car if they have one. Drop and pick up your husband from work so you can use the car.
*Sports Clubs - Cost more but allow children to participate not only in practises but allows them to compete. If there are none of the more main stream clubs, try the unusual - like lifesaving, horse riding, table tennis. Sometimes the smaller clubs have more opportunities because they are not as sought after and have more space for your child to join the team.
* Go to the Library - Again the community boards there offer lots of activities and groups that meet there regularly - stamp collecting, quilting, the history society etc. And don't let your own interests govern this, your child may well be interested in quilting even if you never learnt how to thread a needle.
* Start Your Own Co-op Don't Feel Left Out - You might hear others talking about co-ops and wonder why you haven't been invited to join. Well don't fret, start your own. It doesn't have to be complicated. Its simply a group learning opportunity which could be drama, art, cooking, science. You don't need to be incredibly gifted to run something like this and if you have older children, let them teach the little ones.
* Go to Gym - Who says it needs to be a team sport. There are lots of opportunities to meet others at the gym!
* Forget About Age Gaps - See it as an opportunity for your children to learn and serve. So often I hear parents complain that the children are too young or too old for their children to join. My children have learnt to interact with older and younger children comfortably because of the cross age combination.
* Encourage Hobbies - Hobbies allow your child to really develop their creative talents and open up a whole different field of experience to them - scrap booking, model building, woodwork, stamp collecting.
* Exercise With your Children - Don't always expect others to do it for you - get going with them. If there isn't a coach or a team, then just get going. Run on the beach in the mornings, hike up the mountains, go bike riding. You'll meet like-minded people as you do that and before you know it you'll have an exercise group meeting regularly.
* Invite Others Over First - Don't always wait for an invitation If your children meet someone at the park and they get on really well, meet the parents, swap telephone numbers and make a play date. I don't leave my children with anyone unless I know them very well. I simply visit with the mom while the children are playing. They get a new friend and so do you.
Most importantly, remember not to compare yourself to others. Every family is different. Running around all over the place for the sake of socialisation could lead to a very harassed and stressed day. Don't try to do everything but maintain balance and ensure quality rather than quantity. I have made many mistakes running after activities only to find them an absolute waste of time and money. I am exhausted by the end of the week, the house is untidy and my husband is wondering when we'll have a decent meal.
So what about you? I would love to hear from you. What have you found really worked for your family?
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Funny, I was just talking to a friend about this today!I have much to say on this topic and wonder if it's a good thing starting it here - but let's see. I do think socialization is an issue for homeschoolers. There I said it - it's not an issue for most of the women I know though, because they make such an effort for their kids to get out and see others by hook or by crook. BUT, if you do not (yet) have a community, I think it can be incredibly lonesome journey, and, I think kids suffer. There. I dared to say it! (in a nutshell)
ReplyDeleteTotally agree.
DeleteIt can be an issue:
* in smaller towns and where homeschooling is frowned upon
* when socialisation is associated with spending time with lots of people - I disagree. Socialisation can be with a few friends, with peers and even with grandparents
* when mom doesn't feel like going out because she is too exhausted after a day of school
* finances can also be an issue because everything costs money - you may go to a park for free but it still costs petrol
And the list is endless.
But I would hope that as homeschoolers with a social life:) that we would always embrace a newbie, never become exclusive to new homeschoolers joining "the group" and be on the lookout for "lonely" homeschoolers.
Thanks Karen for raising this though, I defnitely think that it would be good to blog about the other side:)
Chiming in ... :-) ... While I do think the uninformed opinion of homeschooling is still severely skewed to the 'homeschoolers are unsocialised weirdos" end of the continuum, the reality is that some homeschoolers do miss some of the social aspects of mainstream schooling. It is true that big schools offer a bigger pool of friendship opportunities. It is true that schools have ready-made team work opportunities. So it's not unsurprising that homeschoolers sometimes find the journey isolating. It's not unusual for homeschoolers to have fewer kids at their birthday parties, or not see other kids for casual conversation as regularly as other kids.
ReplyDeleteI think the misunderstandings lie in that the 'socialization' question confuses 'having an active social life' with 'being able to adequately cope in a social environment'. We know that homeschoolers are (mostly well) able to cope in social environments. But, I think that in our defense of the socialization question we let the pendulum swing to the other end of the continuum, namely insisting that homeschoolers are actively social on a regular basis or denying that the less regular contact may be problematic. And I don't think it's helpful to each other or the public view to insist that that is the case.
I think we need to be honest, as you've both been here, and say that while we love most of the socialization pros of homeschooling (positive friendships, role models, no bullying, solid family relationships, inter generational positive relationships etc) we recognize that it can be lonely, it can be alienating, it can bug us. And even with your awesome list here, Mel, which i think is super helpful, sometimes even then the 'making friends' thing is just plain hard anyway and not being surrounded by peers daily doesn't make that job any easier.
Ok. That essay was more than I bargained for! :-) apologies! Thx Karen for being brave enough to say it! Methinks we should take this discussion to the Facebook group :-)
I agree Taryn, I think that friendship will always need to be worked on it doesn't just happen automatically. These ideas are purely to create opportunities to meet others and to make the most of chance encounters.
DeleteAs parents we cannot do the work for our children but we can create an environment for them to build friendships.
Chiming in ... :-) ... While I do think the uninformed opinion of homeschooling is still severely skewed to the 'homeschoolers are unsocialised weirdos" end of the continuum, the reality is that some homeschoolers do miss some of the social aspects of mainstream schooling. It is true that big schools offer a bigger pool of friendship opportunities. It is true that schools have ready-made team work opportunities. So it's not unsurprising that homeschoolers sometimes find the journey isolating. It's not unusual for homeschoolers to have fewer kids at their birthday parties, or not see other kids for casual conversation as regularly as other kids.
ReplyDeleteI think the misunderstandings lie in that the 'socialization' question confuses 'having an active social life' with 'being able to adequately cope in a social environment'. We know that homeschoolers are (mostly well) able to cope in social environments. But, I think that in our defense of the socialization question we let the pendulum swing to the other end of the continuum, namely insisting that homeschoolers are actively social on a regular basis or denying that the less regular contact may be problematic. And I don't think it's helpful to each other or the public view to insist that that is the case.
I think we need to be honest, as you've both been here, and say that while we love most of the socialization pros of homeschooling (positive friendships, role models, no bullying, solid family relationships, inter generational positive relationships etc) we recognize that it can be lonely, it can be alienating, it can bug us. And even with your awesome list here, Mel, which i think is super helpful, sometimes even then the 'making friends' thing is just plain hard anyway and not being surrounded by peers daily doesn't make that job any easier.
Ok. That essay was more than I bargained for! :-) apologies! Thx Karen for being brave enough to say it! Methinks we should take this discussion to the Facebook group :-)
Sorry it's taken me so long to get back here - but Taryn, you've managed to articulate the biggest gripe I have about the "socialization" question so eloquently - you've hit the nail on the head and one of the many things I've been wanting to chat to you about for months. There are all these little nuances in homeschooling that I come across that are heartily defended by homeschooled moms and I'often find myself caught in the middle because I see both sides - and can agree with both too.
ReplyDeleteMel, what you've done here is so very helpful - you should link this page to the FB group if you haven't done so already. The new, young moms who join seem to struggle so much with this...so thank you for virtually coming alongside them.
And Mel? You welcomed this newbie in - so thank you for having an open, mothering heart!
Thanks Karen - I try, life is busy - but I think often we forget what it was like in the beginning. I often take so much for granted that I forget that I also struggled in so many areas - though I suppose the thing to say here is .... this too shall pass. It gets better!
DeleteHi ladies,
ReplyDeleteI love your post Melanie. And I am sorry to say I almost rolled my eyes and didn't read it. I thought with a sigh--not this subject again! I often feel worn out and badgered by the socialization question. It must be one way God is working on my long suffering. :) I went to school and the rest of my 6 siblings were homeschooled. And as much as I loved school, I would also think people who asked that question did not understand that my homeschool siblings seemed to have as many, if not more, friends and activities as I did! :) So even when I was in school that idea did not hold much weight with me.
Surprisingly I really appreciated your comments! Especially when homeschoolers start out it is really important that we have new guidelines as to what to do with this new space of time in our lives. We are creating a balancing act. And I thought your list of activities was very accurate to my life, and would give great direction to new homeschooler moms.
Sometimes in the debate about 'socialization' I wonder if we actually forget that socialization at school, in terms of casual 'opportunities for interaction with peers' is not all that we remember it to be so gloriously in our memories.
While I loved school and all the people, friends & competition involved...I also look back and remember many kids who felt isolated, left out, inarticulate, uncomfortable, etc. etc. I remember people who had terrible conversation skills who were shy or just too opinionated; those who were too insecure and those who were over confident. I feel like we look at homeschoolers under a microscope and any imbalance is considered a homeschooling 'socialization' issue. If we used the same microscope in our schools we would find just as many imbalances.
That being said--homeschoolers do need to put more intention into creating opportunities for play, sport, etc. But we already committed to that extra planning, otherwise we would not be educating our children at home.
Thx for the lovely post and for letting me share my thoughts. :)