I know you've having a peek at this article kind of wondering what on earth this could possibly be, and wondering whether you will possibly need to unsubscribe from this blog. But never fear, I haven't quite lost the plot.... yet.
You may remember my post about 100 things I have learnt in my almost 40 years, especially numbers 47, 86, 87, 88. Yep da man thing, the I want intimacy thing - often! Some of you ladies are already getting a knot in your stomach just at the mention of this and are wondering where you put those headache tablets.
But I believe this is an area that many women struggle with. I struggle with . Who would have thought that so many women could have this one thing in common?
We are wired so differently. Time and time again I shake my head and think, Lord? And this intimacy thing is like soooooo much effort. And then we read about how "our bodies don't belong to us, they belong to our husbands" and then I think to myself "Over my dead body, there is NO way!" Because of course it might mean more - you know what!
After cleaning toilets, washing dishes, ironing clothes, cooking food, running children around, taking the cat to the vet, phoning the municipality for the 5th time today - who can possibly think of doing anything but sleep? Aaaah but there is this strange breed who still does! They could be dead tired, but start getting dressed for bed, and suddenly there is this rather uncomfortable interest in what you are doing as though you had planned a special show for them!
Girls, you know what I mean. But I have learnt something - when I spend time in intimacy, there is a joy and there is a different level to my relationship with my husband. When I give him the loving he needs, he gives me the loving I need. Yes I know we have a 20 step sequence of things we want them to do before they touch us - which might include a trip to Paris, or a new lingerie wardrobe - because how dare they even expect anything from us, when they have barely paid attention to us the whole week.
But when I change it around and say - I'm going to give my man all the loving he needs without expecting him to jump through hoops, it's amazing how much loving I get back. I get coffee in bed, suddenly he volunteers to take the kids out to give me some space, he pays attention (though sometimes with a silly smug grin on his face as he remembers the previous nights shenanigans) - but it's there. All the things I need. So if I want more attention, care, romance, flowers, time, service - which are more my needs - then I need to give him what he needs - intimate one on one love!
It's a challenge because we are selfish and our love can be very conditional. He must give me this, and then I will give him that (love with a hook). But when we give this part of ourselves without attaching conditions and making it so hard to get close, we start loving him with an agape love - unconditional love, which is Christlike.
My prayer for you today (and me):
God would you meet every women who reads this post today and relight and rekindle passion for her husband. Would you remove every insecurity that would tell her that her body is not good enough. Give her a boldness to initiate intimate moments out of her desire to love her husband in the way that he needs to be loved and that he in turn would love her in a way that she needs. I pray Lord that the demands of life, the worries of finances, day to day chores would not control the level of intimacy in her marriage. Help her make a decision to get naked frequently.
[What about the Get Naked Club? There is no such club of course but a couple of my friends and I laugh and joke about it, saying that we should start an accountability group of how many times a week we get naked with our husbands, because we all struggle in this area. I don't think you have to start a club, but it would be worthwhile to share your struggles with someone you trust. They probably are going through a very similar thing and you may not feel so alone - and pray for each other. It's not a time to dishonour your husband or to gossip about him, but to be accountable to one another, and to grow in this area.]
Feel free to share or comment, but if you want to ask questions or say something of a more personal nature, feel free to pop off an email to me and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.
Linking up with Wise Woman Linkup, Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sday, Growing Home Blog, Unveiled Wife, Women Living Well
You may remember my post about 100 things I have learnt in my almost 40 years, especially numbers 47, 86, 87, 88. Yep da man thing, the I want intimacy thing - often! Some of you ladies are already getting a knot in your stomach just at the mention of this and are wondering where you put those headache tablets.
But I believe this is an area that many women struggle with. I struggle with . Who would have thought that so many women could have this one thing in common?
We are wired so differently. Time and time again I shake my head and think, Lord? And this intimacy thing is like soooooo much effort. And then we read about how "our bodies don't belong to us, they belong to our husbands" and then I think to myself "Over my dead body, there is NO way!" Because of course it might mean more - you know what!
After cleaning toilets, washing dishes, ironing clothes, cooking food, running children around, taking the cat to the vet, phoning the municipality for the 5th time today - who can possibly think of doing anything but sleep? Aaaah but there is this strange breed who still does! They could be dead tired, but start getting dressed for bed, and suddenly there is this rather uncomfortable interest in what you are doing as though you had planned a special show for them!
Girls, you know what I mean. But I have learnt something - when I spend time in intimacy, there is a joy and there is a different level to my relationship with my husband. When I give him the loving he needs, he gives me the loving I need. Yes I know we have a 20 step sequence of things we want them to do before they touch us - which might include a trip to Paris, or a new lingerie wardrobe - because how dare they even expect anything from us, when they have barely paid attention to us the whole week.
But when I change it around and say - I'm going to give my man all the loving he needs without expecting him to jump through hoops, it's amazing how much loving I get back. I get coffee in bed, suddenly he volunteers to take the kids out to give me some space, he pays attention (though sometimes with a silly smug grin on his face as he remembers the previous nights shenanigans) - but it's there. All the things I need. So if I want more attention, care, romance, flowers, time, service - which are more my needs - then I need to give him what he needs - intimate one on one love!
It's a challenge because we are selfish and our love can be very conditional. He must give me this, and then I will give him that (love with a hook). But when we give this part of ourselves without attaching conditions and making it so hard to get close, we start loving him with an agape love - unconditional love, which is Christlike.
My prayer for you today (and me):
God would you meet every women who reads this post today and relight and rekindle passion for her husband. Would you remove every insecurity that would tell her that her body is not good enough. Give her a boldness to initiate intimate moments out of her desire to love her husband in the way that he needs to be loved and that he in turn would love her in a way that she needs. I pray Lord that the demands of life, the worries of finances, day to day chores would not control the level of intimacy in her marriage. Help her make a decision to get naked frequently.
[What about the Get Naked Club? There is no such club of course but a couple of my friends and I laugh and joke about it, saying that we should start an accountability group of how many times a week we get naked with our husbands, because we all struggle in this area. I don't think you have to start a club, but it would be worthwhile to share your struggles with someone you trust. They probably are going through a very similar thing and you may not feel so alone - and pray for each other. It's not a time to dishonour your husband or to gossip about him, but to be accountable to one another, and to grow in this area.]
Feel free to share or comment, but if you want to ask questions or say something of a more personal nature, feel free to pop off an email to me and I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible.
Linking up with Wise Woman Linkup, Raising Homemakers, Titus 2sday, Growing Home Blog, Unveiled Wife, Women Living Well
Posts
What a great reminder. So glad I found you at the Women Living Well link-up
ReplyDeleteThanks for the visit! Great to have you visiting!
DeleteWow. I am having the opposite problem and my husband is too tired. :) That's frustrating as well. I have recently been working out and feeling more confident I suppose and my overtures are not always accepted w/the enthusiasm I would hope. Then I remember the days when I "had a headache." So, I need to pray your prayer but w/a different idea behind.....
ReplyDeleteLovely post Mel...life just seems to 'work' better when we have had time alone ;-) x Well done on your honest posts!
ReplyDeleteLovely post Mel...yes life just seems to 'work' better when we have had time alone - the way it is intended to be. Thanks for your honest posts x
ReplyDelete