Family Life: Why family traditions are important

Funny, I have few family traditions that I remember as a child.  Both my parents worked and were pressed for time and finances and so we spent very little time enjoying each other's company like I have the privilege of doing with my children.  And I do - count it as a privilege.  I have worked as a high school teacher (not a great one mind you - imagine a woman with a hooked nose, black flowing gown, slightly crazed look on her face and a broom) - and I have worked as a SAHM (stay at home mom) and homeschooler.  And yes we do work, hard!   I have found both to be a challenge but I have definitely preferred my time at home with my children far more than working in a commercial sense.

I used to feel envious listening to other people's stories of the things they did with their family for those well known holidays and celebrations, and felt like I had somehow been excluded or left out - until I realised that just because I couldn't remember too many family traditions of my own, didn't mean that I could not put some in place for our family.  And we have done that - from birthdays to Christmas we are creating repeatable, enjoyable, fun activities for special days and events.  And I am by no way the most original person but boy are there sooooo many resources online to come up with great ideas on what to do.  And I will definitely share some of these ideas with you at some stage in the unidentifiable future.

But besides wanting to be doing what everyone else is doing - there are some very real reasons that make me want to be part of some of these traditions and why I try to establish our own traditions and grow them every year.

*  Memory Moments!

My children remember these activities so well.  Then they say things like "do you remember last year when we did this...." or "the year before when we did that..."  I want them to look back fondly at our family life and  remember.  Not necessarily the specifics, but just the feeling of being together and enjoying each other's company.

*  Something to look forward to

Just by knowing the tradition, gets them even more excited about what's coming.  They start planning that breakfast meal or the card way in advance because they know what's coming and what we do.

*  Sense of Uniqueness

Each family has their own "special" moments.  Yours will never be mine: we're different, we have different budgets, our children are different which is why this is so fun, there is no point in comparing but enjoy the uniqueness of your family.

*  Gives each family member a sense of value
I love the look on their faces when everyone is pouring out love on one specific family member or when special words are written in a card.  Let's be honest, boys are not always the most forthcoming in words of love when it comes to their brothers, but somehow during these special times the words flow and I feel like I have a home of writers and poets.  Often I catch myself getting all teary listening to the things they write, of course an hour later they are rough and tumbling and shouting which almost but not quite erases that impression.

*  A sense of continuity

Traditions are an inheritance to pass on.  Cycles of continuity, doing the same thing again and again adds an element of stability and predictability which is good for children.  And hopefully I will see my children take some of our traditions and apply them to their families while adding some of their own.

*  Joy - which is just a clever way of saying - LOADS OF FANTASTICAL FUN!

*  Relationship Building
The more meaningful time we spend together, the deeper we build with one another.  It really adds depth to our relationships, especially with siblings who are given a platform to express their feelings for one another.  This can be especially significant - "I love you" has such power!

Remember it's not so much about what you do (otherwise you might fall into tradition-envy, trying to outdo another family, or just spending money which you don't have) but rather it's more about the fact that you DO them.  You don't have to overdo it, the simpler your traditions the easier they are to duplicate.  And then on a side note, there are times when we have totally missed some of these big events or have just had a non-event because of circumstances, and there is freedom in that too.  Traditions should not be binding and cause unhealthy stress, life happens and we do our best as parents but we are not always going to get it right!

Why do you have family traditions in your home?  Have you made your own or were they traditions that you inherited from your childhood?

Birthdays Bash: Ethan my 11 year old hero

Ethan - the one who perseveres, that's what his name means but who would have thought that he would have such a love for life!  As long as he is outdoors, or messing with tools, building or breaking - he's the guy!  He is the largest outdoors equipment owner in our house - surfboards, body boards, skateboards, J-Boards, skates. cricket bats, tennis racquets, balls, snorkelling kit - you name it and he's probably got it or about to buy it with his next birthday or Christmas monies.

As I think back on the last 11 years I am amazed at how much he has grown as a young man, and its always good to look back at the last year since his last birthday.

He helped prepare his first pork belly in the Weber, for Christmas and it was delicious!

Adenoids removed on the same day as Chad.  

He loves making a noise - I don't think Ethan even knows what quiet means:)

Team Player

He loves getting outdoors and is serious about his cap being the right way round when he does.

Sweet Lover

Serious about anything he puts his mind to.

Excursions are his life

Loves children

Always got to keep moving

Funny boy - always ready with a smile

His favourite jacket

Fearless in Orange

Loves his sister!

Happy birthday special boy!

What get's up your nose?

There are things that can really irritate even the most patient and gracious of people, and you can put on the appearance of tolerance but it doesn't change the fact that inside you're just a little irritated or raging mad.  I have a few of those.

*  someone eating crunchy food next to me.  I don't mind if I eat the same crunchy food as them, it somehow blocks out the noise and I am not so aware of the sound effects.

*  drink slurpers, my children are experts in this.

* people who don't share their yummy treats like chocolates, biscuits or cakes - after all "Sharing is Caring"

*  bad coffee - coffee makers should be licenced individuals, I am currently an unlicensed rookie but don't tell anyone that.

*  bad trolley drivers - another unlicensed ragamuffin group - my thought on this is that anyone who cannot drive their trolley should definitely not be driving a car

*  people who expect me to be on call 24/7 - since email and smart phones have improved all types of communication, there is an expectation that I should answer immediately.  Even if I just happen to be sleeping, sick or even just not really in the mood to talk to anyone - there are technology harassers who don't seem to respect one's need for space.  And boy do you lose big time brownie points - in fact your friendship could be in trouble.

*  dirty oily hair on me or anyone else

*  people with hooks - I love all people - as long as they are not being friendly, generous or chatty because they want something from me - relationship with a hook.

*  cats that fight at night -with two cats in our house, this happens fairly regularly

*  hair in my food - yuk, yuk, yuk!

*  phone calls in the middle of a movie

*  lying - this one is a big one.  Honesty can hurt but rather honesty than lies.  People don't like honesty, they ask questions and tell you they want to hear the truth, but when you tell them, they take offense.

*  hairy bits on a chicken - yuk!

*  when people text or read their emails on their smart phones while having a conversation

*  music played by neighbouring drivers so loudly that my ears pound and hurt

*  dogs that sniff my private bits - what's up with that?

*  rats,  mice, snakes, spiders, bugs, slugs, snails, mosquitoes, maggots - seriously cannot carry on with this creepy crawly list, makes me nauseous.

*  lazy, fussy and picky children - learning to eat what's put in front of you and helping even when you are a guest in someone's house is something that many parents don't seem to nurture in their children.

*  dog poop - on the beach, on the grass, on the sidewalk - basically anywhere

*  face, nose or teeth pickers - need I say more?

*  sand under my feet in my house, the endless sand trail left in my house from my children spending afternoons at the beach

*  crumbs in the bed

*  toe jam - not sure I know anyone with this but it just sounds gross

*  alarm clocks - I love my sleep

*  SPAM !

*  cold coffee

I have so many more, but this will do for the moment.  But I would love to hear from you.  What is your list of things that get up your nose?

Reaching Out: Considering Adoption?

You may or may not know that we adopted a precious little girl, while setting up and running a home for orphaned and abandoned babies "iKhaya LikaBaba - The Father's House". It's been 4 years now and yet the memories are still so vivid of the day we met her. Adoption has always been important to us and the advocacy thereof. I have realised that it is our responsibility - not theirs, or that non profits. It will take individuals like you and I to make a difference to change the statistics.

For those of you who are considering adoption, there will be a Together for Adoption conference been held in Pretoria. This is a first for South Africa. This conference has been hosted in North America for a number of years. I remember contacting the organiser asking when they would host a conference here - and now they are!

And they have even created a short You Tube video explaining what they are about.

So why not head out there if you can and ask all the questions you have always wanted to ask. What a wonderful opportunity to learn how to truly make a difference in the lives of those who have been orphaned and abandoned. And take your husband with you!

Blogger Bum: Get Moving

Didn't know there was such a thing did you? Oh well maybe it only happens in the world of blogging - but I doubt it. You could call it "Telly Tubbies"(no offense to the rather strange kiddies TV show with characters like Pinky, Twinky), or "Computer Cushion" or "Food Flab" - you can see these are getting noticeably lame but you get the idea.

I spend lots of time in front of the computer - researching, socialising, writing, recording and doing my husband's administration. And so my butt and the chair or just the bestest of friends, which would be fine if the chair was not such a bad influence on my rear quarters.

I also realised that I love food. OK so maybe I didn't realise, maybe I have always just known. And after all who wants to be on diet every day? I used to do that - eat salad while everyone else was eating steak and chips or mash and meatballs or just about anything. It doesn't help that I am married to a man with a metabolism that has Formula 1 status and children who are constantly active, so when they eat it somehow tames their tummy tigers for about 2 hours before they are hungry again. All of these things do little to help me in not eating so much.

I had to make a decision and some choices.

1. I could have posted a pic of my well rounded behind on my blog, claiming all sorts of accountability reasons but I doubt you would be able to sleep at night and I would lose half of you as readers. You've heard that a picture speaks louder than a thousand words - and I reckon my butt is worth about 1000 000 words - so this was not an option.

2. I could go on a diet while my family enjoyed the good things in life and I get to watch - absolutely not happening.

3. Or I could try something small. Take small steps at a time and do it slow- REAL slow, so as not to shock my system or to have me despondent and downcast because I hadn't managed to succeed which would ultimately lead to lots and lots of chocolates - and that really would not help.

So number 3 it is. The question I had to ask myself is what could I change/ add or remove that would not be too hard but yet sustainable? And so I came up with the idea of " GET MOVING". It's not aerobic or running or gym. It's just to "GET MOVING" as much as possible in the week. And to do things that we can do as a family or just the children and I, with very little effort.

The Result?

GREAT!

This last week my schedule looked like this:

Monday: Walk along length of Sea Point Promenade with the boys

Tuesday: Walk on Boyes Drive with Declan

Wednesday: Cycle/Walk at Green Point Diversity Park

Thursday: Nothing (no guilt though)

Friday: 6km ride from end of Sea Point to Mouille Point with the children - even Ruthie did this

Saturday: Nothing

Sunday: Beach

So there you have it, one week and I have made some progress. I want to live a healthy lifestyle and this is great. Not only is it great for my health but it's great just to get out with the children. We laugh and talk and just have lots of fun and always lots of stories after.

So this is what I would like to master before I do the next thing. So if you see me walking, riding or running - don't wave, or offer me a lift. Climb out the car and join me:)

Mel's Mouthful Reviews Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Third Wheel

I have to admit that when The Wimpy Kid books first arrived in the bookstores, I told my children that there was no way they were going to read them. It just looked "dodgy".

"Dodgy" is a word we use often in our house:

* when the children see someone suspicious across the road they tell me "there is someone dodgy on the other side of the road Mom, lock the door" - which pretty much covers almost anyone who walks past our house after we recently did a Stranger Danger study unit.

* sometimes the children refer to their food as being "dodgy" - though this is normally when Dad makes food unsupervised. In fact I remember one weekend where I went to attend a workshop and Chad crying and saying "What are we going to eat? We're going to starve."

* things are "dodgy" when it's unidentifiable, uncertain, a little suspicious looking, dirty, strange or just plain odd.

So The Diary of a Wimpy Kid was a dodgy book because I didn't want my kids using the word wimp or even consider someone a wimp because of who they are or what they do. Little did I know that this is not at all what these books are like. In fact this book is often hysterically and uncomfortably close to the truth about family life. An embarrassing mom and dad, a weird younger brother who does all the wrong things at the wrong time, an overbearing bossy brother and the challenges of peer pressure and school.

I must admit that I first watched The Diary of a Wimpy Kid on the big screen and I loved it - and so did my 71 year old mother (though I probably shouldn't put her age in here, she says it's not polite to mention a ladies age. I wish my boys knew that, as they still haven't stopped telling everyone they meet how old I am.  They also enjoy telling people very proudly that their dad is 2 years younger than their mother.) And so when Penguin Books South Africa gave me a copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Third Wheel, I was thrilled. Of course I had to wait for all three boys to finish reading the book first, before they would even let me get my hands on it.

This time Greg is at middle school and he's on the hunt for a dance partner for the dreaded Valentine's Day dance with hysterical consequences. Eventually he decides to partner with his best friend Rowley Jefferson to secure a date for himself. We all know the feeling of trying to find the right date for such an important event. Taking a date equivocates with value. It seems all else fades in the pursuit a a partner - initially its all about the perfect girl till eventually it is reduced to anyone who is willing. This is the 7th in the series and with his usual skill at humour Jeff Kinney had me snickering and giggling.

It was highly entertaining and because the book has so many illustrations it really was a quick read - I don't think I took longer than an hour.

This book really is suitable for beginner readers and up (or should I just say 40 and get it out there). It's also a great tool to encourage journalling. My children enjoy journalling and every time they finish one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid  books- they grab hold of their journal and start to avidly write and draw. Also the fact that there are so many illustrations, definitely appeals to my youngest "because it has pictures and the writing is not too small"

And I know that some of you are grumbling as you read this saying: "but my child doesn't like to read, I can't even get him to take books out of the library - well never fear - Mel is near (sounds like a superhero tag line that could work - if I only had a cape!) - if he doesn't like to read why not try the audio version - after listening to this on audio first, books will follow.

If you have any Wimpy Kid fans you can even watch Jeff Kinney(the author)present a cartoon class on drawing Greg. And in fact if you browse a bit there is loads of You Tube videos to watch and share with your Wimpy Kid enthusiasts. And for even more enjoyment, if you haven't had enough already, there is even an official Wimpy Kid website: http://www.wimpykid.com/

We would like to thank Penguin Books South Africa for giving us this book to review.  We did not get paid for this review, and all the thoughts and opinions expressed in this review are entirely ours.

Homeschool Hotspot: You know you homeschool when.....

* you go to a store you spend time looking at the content in the stationary aisle buying books, notebooks, erasers, pencils and pens you don't really need
* the library offers to register you as a school so that you can take an extra 18 books out on top of the 72 books, 4 CD's, 6 puzzles, 4 DVD's and 4 magazines you already take out
* your children ask you whether watching cartoons is part of school
* everything is learning
* you go on an excursion to a museum or nature reserve with a bag full of books and stationary to sketch and record everything you see
* you have maps on the walls instead of painting with little arrows showing pen pals, excursions you want to go on, places you have been or any other topic
* you go on holiday whenever you want to
* you go to the grocery store in the morning and people either stare or ask you if your children are sick
* your boys hair is longer than boys around you
* every question becomes a lesson

*  you don't answer questions with "because I say so" or "don't ask silly questions" - instead you Google it or look it up on smart phone as you drive

*  you have solar systems hanging over the dining room, a science experiment growing in the kitchen and models drying on the lounge floor

*  school never starts at exactly the same time every day

*  when people regularly ask you - "But what will you do when they get to high school?"

*  you take a lunch break and head for the beach to come back and carry on with learning activities

*  making food becomes an opportunity for learning

*  your child is asked what Grade they are in and they say - "well in English I am in Grade 6, but I am ahead in Maths and am in Grade 8 and my History is in Grade 7"

*  Dad asks your kids - "What did you do for school today?" and they answer - "Oh we didn't do school ,we just had fun - we did all these science experiments and made models of the pyramids"

* your greatest concern is finding another shelf for the new books you've just bought

*  people tell you that your children are so confident and can participate in conversations with any age group

*  your children know more about almost any subject and you don't recall ever having covered it, but you did see them reading books on the topic
*  your whole house has become a classroom

*  strangers ask simple questions expecting a simple answer and your children launch into a 20 minute explanation of the how, why and when
*  you can't imagine a day without homeschooling your children 

*  you go to a new town or area, you look online to see what learning opportunities there are

*  your children's school friends all want to be homeschooled because they see how fun it is

*  your children have books packed all over the car to ensure they can read while they travel

*  your children carry a magnifying glass in they bags as an accessory

*  you love it when public schools start so they can get off the roads so you can get back to your excursions

*  your children are always bringing home 'specimens' to identify later

*  your children consider the library a highlight

*  every visit to the doctor or hospital becomes an anatomy question and answer session

*  your children exhaust people with their questions and their persistence in getting an intelligent answer

*  you eat lunch together at home and have real conversations

*  you take out educational DVD's at the library and music CD's for your latest composer studies

*  when you spend your afternoons doing sport, cultural activities and visiting friends and not having to come home to homework

*  schooling after lunch is considered punishment

*  you keep checking on the clock to see when you can phone your public school friends

*  you get to be the teacher, principal, sports coach and cultural affairs coordinator all in a day

*  your children write with red pens and you mark with pencils

*  the only bully know is your brother who insists on telling you what to do all the time

*  you read whenever you can without anyone telling you to

* you sleep late mornings after big nights and then do a ful day of school

*  you don't know it's a public holiday until you try to go the library or store and find it closed

*  one of the most important electronic pieces of equipment is the printer for bulk printing

*  your neighbours wonder why there is the sound of children's laughter in the middle of the day

*  your family gives you books for gifts, Christmas and birthdays

*  your children think you know everything about anything

*  your children enjoy talking to grownups and small children 

*  your read every website, newspaper or newsletter about excursions, shows for lesson opportunities

*  every time someone comes to your house to install, fix or deliver something, they are met with students eager to learn

*  your cupboards are full of recycled objects for the next project or craft

There are probably loads more.  

What would be included on your list?  Feel free to add your own!

Top Posts: 2012

I am grateful for all of you who visit and comment on this blog. As a form of creative expression, connecting with an online community and keeping family members updated - this really is a very rewarding place to be. And as this is the end of 2012, it is only fitting that I post about my most popular posts this year. It's always interesting to see what my readers enjoy the most.

Most popular posts for 2012

1. Learning Chinese Mandarin as a Second or Third Language

2. Homeschooling Room of Dreams

3. Interview with Jeremy Olivier: A rock star with soul

4. Snails and Slugs and Escargot

5. 40 Reasons why I Home school my Kids

6. Journalling 101

7. Is your fridge empty?

8. Photo Journal: My backyard garden Table Mountain National Park

9. 20 Ways to have less stressful school days

So there you have it, a real mish-mash group of topics.

My conclusion: that there are numerous wannabee Chinese speakers who are dreaming of being a rock star and believe the freedom of homeschooling without stress will allow them to tour the world, while writing about their experiences of tasting escargot. climbing Table Mountain and dreaming big.

A word for 2013

It definitely seems to be that naming the year is the thing to do and I like to do the things that everyone else is doing otherwise I feel like I am not doing what everyone else is doing and I feel left out. And so after much thought and weighing up who we are as a family, my children and their personalities, our history and our future (who would have thought that all of this plays a role in selecting a single word), we have decided our word for 2013 will be:

I love this word! I love the unknown. I want to go to places few people would go, suitcases are the best accessories for this. It implies courage, history making, pioneering, travel and trying things for the first time. So this will be a new season of excitement and I am excited to see what this year has in store for me.

Have you named your year yet? Leave a comment and tell me what you have decided on and if you feel up to it, tell me why.

Birthday Bash: Happy 9th Birthday Chaddy

Yes it's that time of the year again, one of my 'babies' is getting older again. Chad is now officially 9. My baby boy. Yes I know he is not a baby anymore but I think all my children will always be my babies. Thank goodness they still let me give them lots of hugs and kisses, not without the sighs and rolling eyes, but I grab every hug and kiss I can get.

He really is my most social child and much loved with his blonde hair, outspoken personality and sense of humour. People seem to naturally warm to him. He always asks the wrong questions at the wrong time in very public places with a disconcerting and discerning honesty which throws people - and has been known to offend sometimes. A real ray of sunshine in my life.

We have shared some very special moments, lots of memory moments - caught on camera and some not but that I will never forget!

Of course we always start with the birthday morning where he got to watch cartoons at granny's house, which is his favourite thing! I don't normally like too much television but DSTV has it's uses at times. Also in our house, one of our birthday traditions is the birthday person gets to choose the meals for the day. Now the rest of my clan normally choose all the cereals I don't normally let eat the rest of the year. The ones with all the colours and pops and sprinkles and twists. Not this boy. He loves Rice Porridge. And so for breakfast he had THREE bowls.

He loves creating, give him paint, clay, pottery or blocks - his mind his always creating. We took our first visit to the Clay Cafe in Hout Bay and he was able to paint and create - not a word, which as you may know is rare.

Of course this year has just been one of hair hair and more hair. My blonde boy who doesn't want me to cut it. And of course after a shower, who knows who we might find - Einstein?

Which didn't mean that he couldn't do an annual midnight visit to the hospital. This time it was a 10 pm visit to emergency with an unknown eye swelling. Poor boy and poor dad who took him and only managed to get to bed at about 2am the next morning.

And there is always lots of love to go around! So much love from this very affectionate child of mine. When he sits next to me, he has to swing his arm over my shoulder or come in for hugs and kisses. And besides this rather fabulous mother that he adores, he loves his oldest brother. (though don't tell his other brother or sister:)

Loves his dad, though I can totally get that! Love him too:0

Of course his love is not limited to the human variety, this is my sweet and cake lover. He can put away a slab of chocolate in no time. And cake, well with Charly's Bakery down the road - or should I say the trainline, - lots of opportunity for him to get into his favourite past time - eating cake!

We took our first trip to the the theatre on our date night. He was so excited and thrilled to be one of the special guests with the rest of the media.

He also took part in his first Nippers competition and clearly winning was not a problem. Funny though, he's not competitive like his brothers. But with his mom yelling and cheering him on, he runs and swims like the wind.

And if you're lucky enough to have a chat with him, you will find that 5% of the conversation is Chad asking questions, and 95% of you trying to answer them or research them if the answers are a bit tricky.

Another year iin his life has passed and time rushes by. I am thankful for every day I have with all my children. Life is precious and each moment a treasure!