Guest Post: Disciplining someone else’s child

Disciplining  is never a fun task, especially when the child you are disciplining is not your own. There may come a time where you have to help a friend or relative out by looking after their children. It may be for an hour or for a week, and as much as we hope they are perfect little angels, chances there will be a moment when you may need to discipline.

Before looking after anyone's children, ensure that you have discussed discipline with their parents.  It's vital to know what their approach is and to ensure that you work together in dealing with behavioural issues. 

Here are a few ways of managing an unruly or disobedient child:

Verbal: When a child acts up and has done something wrong, talk to them. Get down to their level (you may have to bend your knees to do so) and find out the cause of the behaviour.  Asking why, will help you understand their intentions. Often discipline issues can also be a need for attention, that they do not know how to express in any other way. Make sure the child understands that this kind of behaviour is not acceptable.  Your tone should be firm but gentle. Do not raise your voice or talk down to them.

Time out: Sometimes verbal communication doesn’t always work. Another technique would be to take the child aside for a time out. Explain to them what time out is and why they are having a time out. Choose an area of your home that is quiet and without distractions. Time out is a chance for them to calm down and reflect. This only takes a few moments; no need to keep them there for more than 5 minutes.

Take away: This technique will probably cause some tears. Children do not react well when privileges are taken away from them. Take away toys, games or television privileges.  How long you do this for is based on age and severity of the misbehaviour.  Once you feel that they understand what they did was wrong and made the necessary behavioural adjustments, then reinstate those privileges.

Report it: It is not typical to report misbehavior to the parents unless it is something that you feel is absolutely necessary. However, telling a child that you have no problem reporting their behavior to their parents may motivate them to listen. Children want to please their parents and sometimes just the thought of you mentioning this to them, is enough motivation to stop with the offending behaviour.

Always be kind and gentle. Being away from parents, can be a difficult thing to adjust to. Be patient, address the situation and be firm.

About The Author:
Jenny Ellis is a freelance writer, and a regular contributor for aupair care. She welcomes your
comments 

What do you think?  How do you cope with play dates when the child who is visiting is misbehaving?

You didn't pinch him did you?

Yep that I did!  My youngest son - after an endless series of cheeky responses, running around all over the place while all the other children were listening, blatant disobedience -  was subjected to a pinch.  And boy did he let me know it - he started crying at the top of his voice (not because of the severity of the pinch but rather at the offence, and I do believe he has been taking drama lessons in private too).  Of course embarrassing me and clearly exposing me as "THE PINCHER" ! 

Oh, I try so hard to be that sweet patient mother that all of you are.  The ones that quietly rationalises the offenses with their children, gets them to sweetly tow the line and then still be all together together.  Can't be done sorry! I lose my temper.  I get impatient.  I grit my teeth and smile when actually I really want to frown. In fact I sometimes want to run around screaming like they do when they can't get their own way.  I am clearly an alien living on the wrong planet.  I am surrounded by Perfect Parents (absolutely no sarcasm in that comment - they really do look like that).  The worst being that this week we are doing our webinar on discipline - and of course the same week I am hosting this discussion, I find a bunch of hooligans in my company.  They behaved so well last week and even yesterday - no angels mind you- but they were 'fairly compliant' - but not today! 

So I am starting to realise that maybe this webinar could just be for me.  I need real handles all the time.  What worked a year ago doesn't work now. They get older and due to such impressive schooling habits with an incredible teacher (that would be me:)  - they are getting smarter and know how to talk their way out of so many situations.  They've learnt how to lie well! Ooooooh yours are Christian are they?  Funny mine are too and yet they know how to tell lies with a straight face. 

So looking forward to this week's webinar.  I think we need fresh perspective all the time on how to train up our children, how to make a difference in their lives so that they make a difference in others.  Our children are always changing and though our values stay the same, how we mentor them has to change as they change. 

So join us for this week's discussion, come ask some questions and share some wisdom.  No one who participates in these webinars is pretending to be an expert but just willing to share some of the lessons we have learnt along the way.