15 Ways to cure a fussy eater

Fussy picky eaters in your home? Oh and by the way they don't have to be toddlers to be fussy - I know LOTS of fussy eaters ranging from toddlers to adults.

What are fussy eaters you ask?  

Silly question I know but you may have become so used to this way of life that you think the grazers in your family with their likes and dislikes are pretty normal.  Here would be some very simple indicators that you have a fussy eater in your home:

*  they pull up their nose at the mention of certain foods

*  they hide their peas under their gem squash skins(or equally ingenious ideas)

*  they "accidentally" drop the offending food on the floor, or tell you the cat took it, or the dog - or the bird next door...

*   gagging (oh yes they can be very good at acting as most mothers will immediately remove the offending food away just at the thought of this one - oh come on be honest, so would you!)

*  they have a list of things they do or don't eat, or how they do or don't like to eat it - they sound like they are ordering food at a restaurant

How to get your picky eater to eat is not usually the problem.  If they were surrounded by their favourite foods, they would be quite content to eat all day - the problem is that they don't want to eat the healthy stuff, or the wholesome stuff or the unidentified floating stuff...

And to get picky eaters to eat certain foods requires strategy and planning:

1.  Camouflage

Hide them, the army does it through the clothes they wear, we do it with the make up we put on our face - simple camouflage works wonders!  Put some of those green things with the other green things that they DO eat and hopefully they won't see them.

2.  Cloak and Dagger

Hide them under sauce.  In our house white sauce with cheese is a sure winner.  They love the stuff on top so much they often don't notice what's at the bottom until it's too late.

3.  Nuke it

Blend those babies!  I don't care what it is - if you blend it they won't even know what they are.  Sometimes its more important to get those vital nutrients and vitamins into their system.

4.  Close ranks

Don't let your fussy eater, eat snacks before meals - I have seen some of my children have a look to see what's for dinner, decide it's not their favourite, promptly eat 3 apples and 2 slices of bread and then tell me that they are not really hungry.  Yeah right!

5.  Put on a Show

Make faces with fruit, dig tunnels in rice, make castles with peas and mash potatoes. Dressing up the food, like they have never seen before, will have them rethink some of the foods they always thought looked Yucky!  You may think this is only for children but how you present your food can often determine how people view what it will taste like.  Do you blanch your vegetables or do you boil them until the beans go grey and the peas look all withered, the cauliflower looks brown and the broccoli looks wilted.  Get some cooking skills:)

6.  As head honcho you need to lead the way

Oh yes you too! You can't expect your children to eat food that you conveniently leave off your plate.  They see, they take note and boy do they have ammunition.

7.  Leave Ethiopia out of it

Telling your children about starving children somewhere else will not produce any lasting effect.  But letting them miss a meal so they understand what it's like to be really hungry - might change their perspective.   I often tell my children that when they are fussy they are not hungry enough, because when you are hungry even a plain piece of bread tastes like a slice of heaven.

8.  Make sure it's not the enemy

Our bodies have natural defense mechanisms in place to protect it and sometimes the aversion to a specific type of food can also be related to their bodies just shouting NO!

9.  It's all about team

When everyone else is eating something, it's easy to follow suit, especially for a toddler who has never seen something before but if it looks like everyone is happy and eating, it's a lot easier to be a little more adventurous.

10.  The Sound of Music

My children do chores, some days they love it, sometimes they don't but put on some music and they hum happily along and will do it without a single complaint.  Get some sing a long tunes on vegetables or by vegetables - like VegeTales.  You could even get them to watch the DVD - look this might not be a stand-alone-I-will-eat-anything-you-put-before-me-moment but it's all about reinforcing a common theme.

11.  Try Try Try

They say (not sure who THEY are - but they say nonetheless) that a person needs to be exposed to something up to 7 times before they acquire a taste for something. Just think back to when you were a child - there were probably things that you didn't like then that you really like now - I can think of a few myself: olives, beetroot, mature cheddar, green peppers, sardines.  But somehow that can all change in a moment - it could be the 5th time of the 7th time or the 1st time.  Don't give up.

12.  Sshhhh!  Keep it a secret

Don't announce to your picky eater, you have a new food for them to try, and then followed by the words "I'm not sure if you 'll like it but give it a try!" You are setting yourself up for disaster.  Even I would be wondering what taste defying object you were about to give me - like the day I asked my sister to check if the watermelon was over ripe and she did.... let's just say, she has never forgiven me and always reminds me of this day.

13.  Let them cook/ create or make

I remember trying to convince my children to eat salad - just plain, regular lettuce, tomato and cucumber - but for some reason they were just not interested.  Until one day I put our pita breads, and each of the children were allowed to fill their pitas with a variety of fillings - from cheese, to salad, to bits of meat.  Before I knew it they were eating salads to my utter joy and they have never turned back.  I also find that when I let them cook they almost seem to eat twice as much, just because they did it!

14.  The Reason for the Season

Sometimes we go off food because we've had too much of it.  Imagine eating 4 bananas at home, going to someone else's house and being offered a banana dessert. Yum Yum - NOT!  We need to be careful of not feeding our children too much of the same types of food all the time, otherwise they will be put off.  Try to vary the type of food, and also how it's prepared.

15.  Stand your ground

Be sure that this is not a power struggle.  Don't allow yourself to manipulated.  I firmly believe in children being taught to eat what is put them.  Fussiness is rude and especially when  you are a guest at someone else's house.  To receive a long list of what they do and don't eat might ensure that you don't get invited back. (enough said)

Now you have some of the ways I have dealt with my children.  Of course they will always test me, and sometimes I get a little fussy myself - just ask my husband. But eventually if you persevere you can achieve greatness:0

Are you doing too much for your child?

I like things to happen smoothly, quickly and according to my standards or ways and yet so often that leads me into a space where I take things away from my children.  I stop them doing things that they are quite capable of doing or learning.  For example: it's easier for me to cook, rather than let them do it - because I am tidy and I know just how I like it done.  But it's not always the best way for my children.

"Are you doing too much for your child" by Debbie Pincus talks about how to change this behaviour and why we should.  What I find especially interesting is that she especially mentions parents with special needs children and their desire to help so much that they are no longer helping their child's development and growth.  She gives all parents some useful perspective on how to break this cycle.

Read more about this insightful article here.

40 things I want my children to know

Recently I read a lovely post about what a mom wanted to leave with her children - life lessons, insights and wisdom.  It hit a chord in my belly and I wondered what my list would be, what would be important?  What legacy would I want to leave with them that had lasting value?  There are so many things that I could teach them, so many insignificant things, busy things, work things- but there are values and lessons in life that I think are important for them to carry forward into adulthood and every day living. Here's my list.  Seems like 40 is on my mind.  It must be because my birthday is coming up soon. In fact in 15 days 23 hours and 20 minutes.  Whose counting? 

1.  Enjoy the rain - it brings life.
2.  Go outside when the sun shines, you never know when it will rain.
3.  Don't plan too much for the next moment but enjoy the one you're in.
4.  Treasure your siblings - they are your best friends and know you as you are.
 5.  Love the Lord first and foremost.
6.  The biggest decision you make for life is to serve the Lord
7.  The second biggest decision you make will be who your spouse will be - choose carefully.
8.  The less clothes a girl has on, the less likely she's the one for you.
9.  Choose your battles - don't fight for the small things but fight for the things that count.
10. Listen to your conscience - it's normally right.
11.  When one of your siblings says - Mom and Dad won't find out - don't believe a word, parents have special radars that pick up all sorts of behaviour, even when you're an adult.
12.  Don't choose a career until you have spent some time getting some life experience, then choose.  Some of those experiences will show you what to do and what you don't want to do.

 13.  Travel everywhere, even when you have children - always go on trips of discovery in a new town, a new country, or a new street.
14.  Delight yourself in the small pleasures - a chocolate milkshake, the sight of a whale breaching, running on a beach - don't only wait for big events otherwise you might wait forever.
15.  Treasure memory moments more than things.
16.  Live debt free, offers of credit are just ways of trying to persuade you to be enslaved.
17.  Look for a car with boot space, if you don't you will have to buy a trailer or sit with your luggage on your lap.
18.  Don't be afraid to try new things, meet new people, see new places - life is an adventure

 19.  Don't swim in the sea if you have a cut - there is always a shark out there looking for it's next meal. (OK might be a bit extreme but living in False Bay which has the largest prevalence of great white sharks in the world, this is a very relevant one)
20.  There are people who will try and bully you, even when you are an adult - walk away.  Don't even entertain them, just walk away.  They are not worth doing business with (even if they have lots of money) and they are definitely not people you want to be friends with.
21.  Ask lots of questions before you sign anything - especially the small print.  And have someone else check just in case you missed something - preferably your grandfather who is a lawyer and has your best interests at heart.
22. Don't believe everything you read, see or hear - listen with discernment and always ask lots of questions.

 23.  You are precious.
24.  I love you and I will always love you and I will never stop loving you.
25.  The day you were born was a day I will never forget and Ruthie, the day you landed in my arms, I knew you were the one!
26.  Things don't change until you are prepared to change.
27.  Always consider carefully what your spouse has to say - they will give you a perspective which could make a difference to your destiny.
28.  Don't break the rules just because everybody else is, let that be a reflection of their character not yours.
29. Nothing is as it appears, always take the time to get to know someone before you decide on who they are.
30.  Children are a blessing from the Lord, enjoy every moment of it, they are special moments.

31.  Holding hands with a girl can lead to trouble, put your hands in your pockets and talk instead.
32.  Take time every day to see the good things around you otherwise you will forget and become bitter and twisted.
33. Don't allow television, computers, smart phones or any technology to take over your life, remember people are more important than even the most exciting technology
34.  Drink water all day, don't replace it with tea or coffee, juice or hot chocolate - your body needs it more than you think.
35.  Don't watch any movies with an S or N rating - they will ensnare you, choose carefully what you watch and what you read.
36.  Don't give up, try again, try from a different angle - ask someone for perspective - some of the greatest inventions have been because people found the solution to a problem and it didn't happen the first time.

 37.  Sleep on any big decision, conversation or conflict.  Off the cuff responses can be fatal.
38.  Build good relationships with your neighbours where ever you are.
39.  Stay close to God and his people. Don't be drawn away from the church.  They might offend you, let you down or just irritate you but they are family.
40.  Love people of every culture, language and tribe - they all belong to God and are precious in his sight, even if others would tell you otherwise.

What would you add to your list?  I would love to know.

Linking up with Teach me Tuesdays, Raising Homemakers, Women Living Well, A Wise Woman Builds Her Home,

100 Lessons I've learnt in my nearly 40 years

1.  Never turn your back on a toddler with glue, scissors, pens or paint - just don't turn your back on a toddler- ever!

2.  Mothers are not paranoid, or suspicious - trust your instincts.
3.  Doctors would do well to listen to moms, they know things that no university can teach
4.  A balanced meal can include peanut butter sandwiches or cereal or both.
5.  No one is perfect, not them and especially not me.
6.  There is no such thing as too much chocolate, or coffee, or chocolate, or coffee.
7.  Grown men are really overgrown boys with responsibility.
8.  When a man says he wants a computer adapter for his birthday, don't try and give him a CD, or socks, or ties - he wants the adapter!
9.  One kernel of corn can cause a fire if left unattended on a stove in some oil.
10.  Popcorn will eventually catch alight if you don't take it off the stove.
11.  When husbands are away - children are bound to get sick, break a bone, or break something important like a dishwasher, the car will stop working and the house alarm will go off - and it will all happen after hours.
12.  Boys + water = wet, trying to keep them dry is just a waste of time and energy.
13.  Quiet doesn't exist in a world full of children.
14.  Children will say all the embarrassing things they have seen and heard in their homes to all the wrong people
15.  Birds like clean washing

16.  So do hairy caterpillars.
17.  "It won't hurt" is just a tag line for a big fat lie.
18.  If you don't check, you might leave the house without your underwear.
19.  Opinionated people should be avoided, as they are often easily offended too.
20.  Avoid perfectionists, you will never live up to their standards.

21.  The last apple is normally the most bruised one.

22.  Always check the toilet seat before sitting down - especially with a house full of boys.
23.  If you don't store your toothbrush on a hidden shelf you might find someone using it to clean their toenails.
24.  Be careful of who you call friend - consider what they have to say about someone else and know that they could be saying it about you too.
25.  Facebook is no replacement for real face to face time.
26.  Just when you are about to have an intimate moment with your husband, one of the children will wake up with nightmares/ fever/ complaints that they cannot sleep.
27.  The day you plan all your online activities for your homeschooling day, the Internet stops working
28.  It's possible to still not know when it's that time of the month and be taken by surprise after nearly 30 years.
29.  The night a child develops a fever will be the night that you realise that you have no paracetamol at home.
30.  Toilet paper is one of the most easily forgotten items on a grocery list.
31.  And toothpaste.
32.  Children are guaranteed to behave badly on the day you most want them to impress others.

 33.  Children don't mind wearing clothes with holes, even if they are sometimes in embarrassing places.
34.  Just when you find the perfect lipstick, blush or mascara - they stop production and not one of the new products looks remotely the same.
35.  An ATM doesn't let you borrow money, not even a couple of cents and it always keeps some even though it belongs to you.
36.  All soapies are addictive, even the ones you don't like if you watch enough episodes.
37.  Don't believe all advice online - speak to a professional, there are some dodgy people out there.
38.  When you try to avoid a phone call, your children will answer the phone and tell the caller that "yes, you are at home" and "no she's not doing anything important".
39.  Cat wee really stinks
40.  And if there are two cats, its even worse.
41.  Things can get worse, even when they are terrible already.
42.  Things under pressure explode, including people.
43.  Children are the best mirrors of your strengths and weaknesses.
44.  Snails love vegetables, especially new ones.

45.  Procrastination will not make it go away.
46.  Music makes everything easier - chores, driving, cooking.
47. You don't need to lose weight, buy new clothes or go to gym - just get naked and your husband will love you.
48.  The day you haven't brushed your teeth, combed your hair and are wearing the most mismatched or broken clothes you own - you will bump into more people you know in one hour than you have done for the entire month.
49.  Women are as competitive as men, just in a different way - the best clean sink, the most neatly dressed children, the best cucumber sandwiches, the most organised - you name it and there's some mom out there trying to outdo everyone else.
50.  Appliances break a week after their guarantee/warranty expired - they are specially programmed to do that.
 51.  When you offer someone help and they say "don't worry", what they are really saying is "I don't trust you to do it like I would like it done".
52.  If food has fallen on the ground and been there for 3 seconds or less, then its good to go.
53.  Just when you have finished a huge batch of washing, it's will rain.
54.  Gym instructors can sense straight away that you are attending a high impact class for the first time and will up their game, just to embarrass you and make sure you never come back again.
55.  Salad sandwiches are not food items to be eaten in front of others.
56.  Or hamburgers.
57.  Or anything that involves layers of food in a bun or slices of bread.
58.  The trolley that you chose at the shop will suddenly start to demonstrate deviant behaviour only after you have half filled it, making squeaking noises so that everyone can turn and look at you.
59. Shopping trolleys are weapons of mass destruction in the hands of a toddler.

60. A child who promises to be good for the rest of the day will never be true to their word.
61. 61 is an unlucky number:)
62. Always and I mean ALWAYS be suspicious - when you ask you child what they are doing and they answer "Nothing".
63.  Or if you ask them who did it and they say "I don't know".
64.  Never wear white when you go out - you will either mess food on your clothes or your children will.
65.  You will never look like you did when you were 18 and thank goodness for that, you probably look better now than you did then.
66.  Shop mirrors don't lie, instead they offer objective perspective - with no subtlety.
67.  Getting your sister to taste something because you know it smells dodgy - and then to discover it is dodgy, could have a serious impact on your relationship with her.  She may never forgive or forget the incident and remind you every time you see her.
68.  Telling your children what pranks you got up to as a child - can give them all sorts of ideas.
69.  When your children are 7, 8 and 9 - watching the Home Alone movie is not a good idea.
70.  To watch it just before the babysitter arrives - could prove detrimental.
71.  Sugar really does make children lose all restraint.
72.  Never drink milk until you have checked the expiry date.

73.  And smell it just in case someone left it out the fridge on the counter for the night.
74.  And in fact, just have a quick peek inside the bottle just in case one of the children have stuck an unidentified object into the bottle.
75. Always be suspicious of a half eaten biscuit on the counter.
76.  Everyone around you is going through something - not your something - but something.
77.  No one understands me - not my husband, or my children, or me for that matter.
78.  A hug can make all your worries and fears disappear.
79.  Butter tastes much nicer than margarine.
80.  And is much healthier.
81.  Homemade is best.
82.  Take aways are even better.
83.  I can weigh myself three times during the day and every time I weigh a different amount.
84.  Whenever I need to go the toilet, my children suddenly have the need to ask me lots of totally senseless questions, followed by "how much longer are you going to be?"
85.  Never shower after the children have bathed, there won't be any hot water.
86.  Never leave the door unlocked when you want to shower, husbands see an unlocked door as an invitation.

87.  Husbands think shaved legs are an invitation.
88.  In fact, anything could be seen as an invitation - from their perspective.
89.  No ones breath smells fresh in the morning, and some- if inhaled too deeply- could probably cause a state of shock.
90.  Don't try and make a list of 100 things to write, because you're bound to run out of things to say about now.
91.  High school means very little in the bigger scope of things.
92.  Being able to afford someone to help in the kitchen might be impossible but getting the best equipment for cleaning and cooking will certainly make up for it.
93.  When a bread machine says it can only make one batch of pizza dough at a time, it's probably because when you attempt to put 2 or more batches, the machine starts to make a dreadful noise and works extra slow.
94.  A watched pot may not cook fast but a stove or oven left unattended will ensure lots of burnt food.
95.  Hairdressers don't understand the word "trim" - it's not in their hairdressing dictionary or it comes with a different meaning like "hack it all off", "don't listen to the client", or "do whatever you're in the mood to do".
96.  Keeping to the food budget with 3 boys is expecting a miracle every day
97.  True friends love you, it's not conditional or based on performance.

98.  Honesty is offensive, people would rather hear what they want to hear - seldom the truth.
99.  Make sure you leave the back door open when you go out the front,especially when you are home alone - otherwise the door might slam shut and leave you waiting outside for a few hours before someone comes with a key.
100.  If you really put your mind to it, you can achieve more than you ever thought you could - even a list of 100 things:)

Oh the list is endless, I would love to hear some of your lessons - serious or funny:)

No, they are not perfect!

I love love love my kids, they are the best! And you know what - they are not perfect - never ever.  And even if they look like they are resembling perfection - it won't last - maybe a couple of minutes, if I am lucky a bit longer - but it will come to an end.

As you look at your own children and compare them to children who appear to be altogether perfect, well mannered, diligent and immaculately dressed - remember that they ain't perfect either and neither is their mommy!  They will also have their moments.  Maybe not quite the same moment or at the same inconvenient time - but they will.

My children have temper tantrums, cry for effect, lie, manipulate, give me attitude, bicker, drag their feet when it comes to chores, moan and groan and complain.

And it's only when I stop looking at other children and comparing, that I am really able to enjoy them and see...

that they also make me laugh, they help and serve, are considerate with their siblings, look after me when I am feel down, make dinners, ask a multitude of questions and have a zest for life, are adventurers and love quickly, forget my mistakes and forgive easily, are adventurers and bring colour to every day. 

Stop for a moment today and just make a list of 5 things that make each of your children special to you today and then go and tell them.  Make it a time of building with them.  Do it and you will be amazed at how good it is to speak such life over them and for them to hear what they are doing right!

Faulty foundations in Marriage and Parenting

I could say it's all your fault, or my mother's fault, or my twin-sister-which-I-don't-have-who-lives-in-Russia's fault- but then I would be denying responsibility for my own actions and reactions.

We all have faulty foundations which result in faulty towers- even if we were brought up in a Christian home, these faulty foundations can be in any part of our thinking or make up.  It could be in our approach to parenting, discipline, communication, friendship or conflict resolution.  The problem is that unless we sort out our foundations we will continue to pass on this same weakness in character to our children.

All you have to do is have my kids over at your house for a couple of hours and you will quickly hear and see my weaknesses.  (or Sean's but like he said to me one day - I spend 80% of the day with them so they are more likely to be showing my weaknesses rather than his - OUCH!)

I could try really hard and lay blame (which would be my natural inclination because it would be convenient) but actually, more importantly I need to remove those faulty foundations and replace them with good solid biblical ones.  This can be a rather painful process and some take longer to remove as they can be entrenched and difficult to get out.  But with doing this, I am able to be the mother, wife, friend and daughter God intended me to be.  And I can leave a wealthy deposit in my children's lives.

What do your foundations look like?  Are you tired and frustrated by some of your foundations - the ones you know need to change - the ones that keep tripping you up?  The ones that cause hurt, disappointment, broken relationships - I know I am! And I can stay in this space and keep on doing the same thing, the same way with the same result

OR

" Lord in your mercy and grace will you change me.  Show me Lord where there is faulty thoughts, behaviour and emotions and help me to submit to your hand of change"

Grow Up as Jesus Did

Jesus was a child.  OK so I am stating the obvious, but he was.  He was a child who became a man and changed the lives of those he came into contact with and ultimately changed the destiny of every single one us.
And for him to do that, he had to be a child first.  Though he could have probably jumped past the difficult years and just arrived on earth as an adult, he set some things in place so that we could learn from them.  And this one scripture about his childhood years has always struck a cord with me.

Luke 2: 52 NIV

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man.

And the Amplified Bible adds some further clarification

And Jesus increased in wisdom (in broad and full understanding) and in stature and years, and in favour with God and man

From the 1st of July, I will be looking at what this means to us as parents, in how we raise our children to do great things in and for God.  You are welcome to join me as we discover more about how our children can Grow Up as Jesus Did.
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How to make homework less stressful

 Though I homeschool, I was a teacher for 6 years and my children have attended school on and off a number of times.  The one thing I do remember is HOMEWORK!  Also having our children at home with us all day, involves very similiar struggles when it comes to doing book work or writing activities with them.  Often I get asked by mothers of school going children, for ideas and thoughts on how to get homework done with less stress.  Seems this is a fairly common problem - and there is no easy solution.

Just to clarify, there is no one thing you can do to make it go away.  No homework fairy who waves her fairy wand (and NO, dressing up and pretending, won't do it either).  However there are a few things that I have tried with some or all of my children, that has definitely worked.  Each of these will need to be considered against your child's personality, age, learning style and even gender.   I hope that this list of tips will really make your homework time with your child more manageable and give you ideas that you may never have tried before.


1.  Do homework after a nap time
Children are known to be a lot less active and busy after a nap.  I know this sounds odd but they have had a full day and a quiet lie down for about 1 hour will give them some rest and they will be in the right frame of mind to tackle work again.

2.  Snacks
Snacks are vital to concentration levels.  And when I talk about snacks - I am not talking about chocolates, sweets and chips.  Healthy snacks are key.  I have a few ideas of my own on how to satisfy their hunger with some snack options.

3.  Start at the same time every day
This can be a challenge when extra murals are involved but I still encourage you to do this.  If you don't do extra murals, consider giving the children the same break time at home - children need a break from school too.  They have spent the whole day in a classroom and need the physical and mental break.'  Also you may find that if you child gets up at 5 in the morning (there are a lot more children like this than you think) - let them do their work then or even the work they couldn't finish the night before. It might demand more of your time but will create a less stressful homework session as you could divide your homework session to 2 smaller parts - one half at night and one half in the morning.

4.  Choose a space which is quiet
Don't do school next to windows with a view, a place where they can get distracted by their siblings or anywhere near to their favourite pastimes like Lego or books. In fact near anything they would rather be doing like toys. Now this may seem an impossible task as you cannot clear a whole room but even if its just a part of a room.  It also includes moving pets away from the area - because even pets can essentially become another excuse to stop.

5.  Take breaks
Work with a stopwatch and give them time limits to complete tasks.  Make it a bit like a competition - finish this section of work in 15 minutes and we can have a snack or read a book. Whatever works as a reward for your children (just not sweets!)  Also you don't need to finish an assignment in one sitting, you can break it up into parts.  You will know how long your child can sit for an uninterrupted period of time before they need a break.  If there are 20 sums - do ten, take a break, jump on trampoline and then another 10 (just an example)

 6.  Buddy System
Some children thrive on team work.  Get a friend who works well with your child and let them do their homework together daily.  They will motivate each other. You could take turns on a weekly basis to have turns. I would not recommend a daily change as this can be counter productive.

7.  Talk to your child
Decide together what you will do first and what will you do last.  When you co-opt your child in discussions, you often co-opt them in their participation as you will have real buy in from them. 

8. Make up a homework schedule
This helps to keep track of how much time is being spent on each subject and also ensures that excessive amounts of time are not being spent on one subject (unless there are specific difficulties around this subject).  You also then have a reference point in terms of whether a specific teacher is overloading on a specific subject.

9.  Limit after school activities
Too many activities can mean school homework happens too late, and is just hard work and exhausting after a busy day.  See if you can't schedule your child's interests for the weekend or limit the number of activities they are involved in.  Also some activities are inclined to over stimulate your child, stay away from these.  Keep them for weekends.  You will need to make a sacrifice somewhere unfortunately.  If you want homework time to work you may need to rethink how you manage your weekends to have a more peaceful and less stressful homework time.

10.  Rewards/ Praise/ Positive Reinforcement
This is an  important part that we often forget.  We often want to focus on what has not been done rather than what has.  Get your spouse involved and get him to ask about homework when he gets home and make sure he praises and encourages your child when he sees what they have done.

11.  Homework to come home
One of my biggest challenges was trying to get my children to bring their homework home.  Often it would be left at school just because when the school bell rang at the end of the day, there was more interest in leaving school than packing bags.  I eventually made a list of things my son had to do before he left the class.  It was numbered and laminated and attached to his bag on a tag on the inside.  He had to work his way through the list and make sure that everything was done before leaving the class. 

12. Be disciplined
If you aren't disciplined, your children won't be either. Be careful of giving in to whining, complaining or arguing as these will then become identified as successful tools of avoidance or delay.  Have a no nonsense attitude when it comes to getting the work done.  And ensure that there are consequences for a stubborn or disobedient child - such as removing privileges, not allowing friends to visit etc.

13.  Doing work on the computer
Some children have the capacity to concentrate for large quantities of time in front of a computer.  Speak to the teacher and find out whether answers, essays or assignments can be completed on a computer.  They can then print if off, cut it out and paste into their books.  I know it might take longer (lack of touch typing skills) but the concentration will be there and a real sense of accomplishment when they see their printed work.  Some of my children loved this, others got impatient because they took so long to type - you will need to test this and decide for yourself.

14.  Do work together
Work always feels better when someone else is working with you.  I know that when I work alongside my children, even if I am doing different work, they feel like I am in the trenches with them.  I used to do my accounting work, slips, administration - anything that I needed to do too.  And by doing this I got twice as much done -my work, supervising and helping when needed.

15. Get the Equipment

You would be amazed at how stationary can make a child work.  I bought my children click pencils because I got tired of them writing with blunt pencils which make work look untidy and illegible.  Well I couldn't believe how much they just liked to do work so that they could show me how nicely they were doing their work.  You may need to rotate or update the stationary because they do lose their initial appeal but put them away and bring them out at a later date and it will feel like new.  Pencils, pens, glues - if you can buy a variety. Some of the cheaper $1 stores often have cheap varieties but that's fine, most of them have lots of aesthetic appeal to a child.

16.  Get Help
How often I have seen how well my children have listened to others but not to me! I know this shouldn't be the case but aren't we all like that, we behave better with strangers than with our own famil?. Consider getting an older child/ student to do homework with your children for a few hours a day.  You might have to make a financial contribution to their pockets but it will definitely be worth your while.  There are always students or teenagers looking for part time work. You might help them and they will definitely help you.

Siblings are also a good option.  If there is an older or younger sibling, why not give them pocket money for helping?

17.   Write for them
This may sound like cheating but again the most important aspect of homework is to show that learning has happened.  If there is a worksheet to be filled out to test the understanding of a social studies subject like geography - let you child read the book and tell you what answer to write for each question.  Again you will need to OK this with the teacher but if your child understands the content and they answer the questions correctly, then the fact that you are writing their answers down should really make no difference.  Obviously in a situation like English or Spelling, you might not be able to do that.

I have done Maths like this with my youngest son.  I don't do it all the time but when I see he is tired but quite capable I will write for him while he tells me what to write and where to write it.  He loved it. I didn't correct his mistakes while he was doing a calculation because then it would be my work not his, but I told him when it was right or wrong.  He then had the opportunity to re-calculate the sum.

18.  Chat to the teachers with your child present
You should think about having this chat with your child present.  You might find out through an open conversation like this, that the reason your child has so much homework is because they are not cooperating at school or not doing the work they should during school time.  This then needs to be addressed as a discipline issue.  By having both teacher and child present, it removes the whole "he says"  "she says" and will ensure that both parties are entirely honest.  (this however takes courage, because you may not like what the teacher has to say)

19.  Supervise
With children who struggle to get homework done, be close at hand.  Don't keep disappearing down the corridor to get your own things done.  Be there.  They need constant encouragement, reminders to stay focused.  This will ensure that tasks don't take longer than they should.  I remember my boys used to love "going to the toilet", "going to sharpen pencils" and "going to quickly look at something". All of these eventually became distractions and they would disappear with all sorts of 'very good reasons'.  

20.  Let them attend after-school sessions
Some schools allow for homework sessions after school. Most parents who are able to, want to fetch their children from school and get them home. However for your child, this kind of environment is exactly what they need to get their work done.  It also means that when they get home they are able to enjoy being at home, without the added burden of homework still to be completed.

Now it's your turn - what works for you during homework time?  Do you have any tips for us that have not been included?  I would love to hear what your ideas are?

Mom's You Have the Best Job in the World

Thanks to Time-Warp Wife I found the most amazing clip - that just reminded me that I have the most important job in the world

Have a great weekend mom's and enjoy every minute with your children

Christmas: A time of gladness or sadness?

I know everyone is looking forward to the holidays, if you are not already lying in the sun absorbing the rays (that would be for those of us in the Southern Hemisphere of course) or putting on layers and layers of clothing before heading out to build snowmen (romanticized view of snow countries:).

This year more than most I am reminded of how many families or individuals are not in that space.  The holiday cheer, the joy and the celebrations.  Again I was reminded yesterday of how there are those who are in a vulnerable place needing lots of support.  I was in that place 4 years ago.  I had just lost my daughter.  Many of you know Ruthie, but I had another daughter before her - only for 9 months but she was mine.

At that time I wrote an article in the Christmas of 2007.  A story of loss and comfort.  A story of tears and of hope.  I would like to share this story with you now and trust that if you are going through something that you feel you cannot cope with - there is someone who understands something (not everything) of how you feel during this season.  And our God who will love you through it.

My Precious Daughter

Today is the day of gifts and presents, a day of blessings and surprises. Yet I wonder to myself why I feel the urge to write with my family outside. Children running around, laughing – the smell of food cooking and conversations drifting in through the door. My mind is drawn back to gifts I have received over the years and yet there is one gift that I will never forget, and one which brings both a sadness, joy and longing rushing in. My precious little gift from our Father – my daughter, Savannah.

I was told by the gynecologist that he was concerned that she was small and that she was growing too slowly but I never even suspected that there was a problem. I had three robust, healthy boys. I was expecting my first daughter, which in itself was a wonderful surprise as we had never really expected to have a little girl. As the thought of having a daughter grew, I became aware of other little girls, thinking – she'll be a little like her, and she'll probably have eyes like that little girl, and oh I would love to buy her a little dress just like that one.

When the day of delivery came, I gave birth yet before I had even seen her, a paediatrician came to see me and told me that she had Trisomy 18, a fatal chromosomal disorder. Everything that could be wrong was wrong with her. Her insides were a mess, her heart was weak and had a hole, she had Pneumonia and the doctor said she would probably not live more than 48 hours. I sat in shock and asked him to bring her to me, as they had still not shown me my daughter, before they transferred her to a neighbouring government hospital for intensive care as we had no medical aid.

They brought her in, wrapped up tight in this little blanket from which a tiny face peeked out, with little eyes that looked back at me so trustingly. I couldn't see what was wrong; my mind and heart could not make sense of what had happened nor what was wrong with her. They took her away and I was left at the hospital. My mind surged. I felt close to hysteria.  I wanted to shout to the heavens .....WWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYY??????????

Friends of ours arrived and brought a word of encouragement, I heard words like “faith” “fight for her because no one else can” , “don't give up hope” but they were all a blur. I remember looking at them thinking – How can you say that? Do you know? Do you understand? I had visitors, all loving family from the church reassuring me, bringing gifts and I remember thinking - how can they be so calm? My world had fallen apart, and my thoughts were anything but loving and Christian.  This couldn't be a gift from God. You hear all the time that God doesn't make mistakes but how could he have allowed this to happen knowing that she was going to die prematurely?

The next 4 weeks were a blur. Parents came down, friends supported us. I lived at the hospital and lived in a place of never knowing whether I would arrive to another exhausting day or to be told she was gone. The fact that she lived past 48 hours in itself was a miracle. People came from everywhere and prayed for her. Old pastors, friends and family phoned from overseas and everyone was crying with us. In my mind I kept thinking “God what did I do wrong? Why are you punishing me and why are you punishing this little body with tubes? How could a loving Father allow this? How could He watch His little girl Savannah suffer like this as they stuck needle after needle into her little body? Had I been disobedient, had I done something so bad to be punished like this?

After 24 arduous days we took her home when it became clear that hospitalization was pointless, though the staff did not think it was a good idea. The boys had not been allowed to see her and they were overjoyed. They held her lovingly and vied to hold her. Everyone wanted to hold little “vannah”. They saw nothing wrong but loved her fully. They didn't see the physical abnormalities but loved her whole heartedly from her first day home. As she grew they tickled her and even made her laugh, they had long conversations with her as she listened intently, they held her and stroked her hand, they told her all the time how much they loved her and bragged endlessly to their friends about their sister Savannah.

What happened over time in my heart could only have come from God. Initially my heart was torn and broken but slowly my heart started to warm to her and I didn't look at her critically anymore - I remember one momentous occasion during worship at our church. I felt like I needed to thank God for his gift, who, though broken in my sight, she was perfect in his sight – so I took her to the front of the church, took two flags and waved and worshipped above her and thanked God for this wonderful gift he had given me. I remember the tears falling down my face as my heart was exposed before him, broken and sore. As I did this, the Holy Spirit poured down onto me. I wept openly not caring who saw but knowing that this was so important. I had to forgive God, had to forgive myself for all my thoughts and feelings and had to show Savannah that I loved her just as Christ loved me with all my blemishes, imperfections and brokenness.

From that point I started to see her beauty. Its amazing how God opens our eyes to the beauty of others when we love them. Instead of seeing her mis-shapen ears, I saw how she turned her head when she heard my voice. Instead of noticing her squint I heard her giggles as we tickled her. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to take her everywhere I went. I put her in little dresses that I had kept for her, I held her to me and loved her knowing that I had to treasure every precious moment with my little treasure.

I would love to write the words “and they lived happily every after” but that would not be true.

She got sick and though I fought in faith, once again my heart was broken. This time I had to watch helplessly while she slipped away. What I remember at the end was how God was with me and held on to me so tightly, though I didn't understand why this had all happened. Just before she passed away I got a phone call from a close friend who shared that he saw how at prayer meeting that as they were praying for her, it was as if they were there lifting her up into the Father's arms. It was at that very moment that he shared that word with us, she left us. I know that God wanted us to know where she was, who she was with and that she was treasured. When my heart longs for her I am often reminded of that word of encouragement and I see this picture time and time again of her dancing in heaven while our Father looks on in joy. She has a pink little dress that swirls and she turns and turns, laughing and giggling. When she's tired she falls down on His lap and leans against His chest while she holds onto Him with both her arms around His neck.

Is it over? No, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this today. But my feelings are ones of longing mixed with joy. I have realised through this that she has been a blessing in our lives. The whole church adopted her, she became theirs as much as ours. Even now I have friends telling me how often they think of her and miss her and they become tearful and it brings such a sense of wonder that God could use such a little waif of a girl to impact hundreds of people's lives and give us such an awesome privilege to love not just our daughter but his.

His precious little girl, the apple of his eye, the wonder of his heart, the expression of his love. Thank you Lord for those precious moments, thank you for your heart of grace. Thank you for your precious gift to us – Savannah. My precious daughter. 

A friend of ours wrote this beautiful poem for us:

Precious little one

How our hearts ache now you’re gone

There’s a longing inside

And when the last tears have dried

Still we’ll miss you

Little one.

Precious baby girl

Fragile little pearl

Your days here were few

And deep down we knew

God would come for you

Little one.

Precious little rose

As time comes and goes

Your memory will stay

And we’ll meet again one day

Forever in our hearts

Little one.

kindly written by Melissa Knott

  If you would like to read more about our journey, my husband wrote a small blog during this time which can be found  here.

Birthday Celebrations: Chaddy Chatterbox

My youngest son,  turned 8 yesterday!  Chadwick - which means warrior - is a light of laughter and fun in our house.  He loves everyone!  My precioius son who comes in for cuddles and hugs and tickles all day.  I love you Chad and pray God's richest blessings on every part of your day.

Thank you Lord, for this blessing!

 

 

 

 

Health Care for Homeschooling Moms

I have been really sick this week.  I am a real toughie and don't get sick frequently but I think this year has been a long one with life being really busy.  As usual, what I do in life and experience becomes part of what I write about. 

I realised as I lay on my bed and then the couch this week, that getting sick can be a challenge for any mom.  And especially a homeschooling mother, as you aren't given the daily reprieve of sending your children to school.  

How do you cope?  

Here are some of the strategies I use to cope when I get sick.  They are not fail proof, but they have worked well in our family.

Give Your Children Responsibilities

They are quite capable.  Don't feel bad.  I know as mom's we often feel guilty lying or sitting still but if we plan on getting better, let them do it.  You are always serving your family - it's good for them to serve you too.  (including your husband)

Lower Your Expectations with Food

My boys are being taught to cook,which they love but they are by no means experts.  So what if you have to eat simple meals like fried eggs on toast, baked beans on toast or mince and mash?  Just make sure everyone is eating lots of raw vegetables (carrots, cucumbers, baby tomatoes - the ones they like:) and fresh fruit during the day. 

When Friends Offer to Help - say YES!

Don't be shy! We all love to help our friends, so let them do something in return. They wouldn't offer if they didn't want to.

Rest

I know that sleep is nature's best way of healing the body.  Drink lots of fluids but REST.  Take vitamins but still you need to REST.  We often take all the meds and then continue to run around because we start to feel better.  Don't let the meds lie to you, you still need to REST.

 Let Your Children Pray for You

We read to our children about how Jesus healed the sick.  Let them lay hands on you and pray.  I believe that children have the faith we often lack.  You would be amazed at the difference my children's prayers have made in my life.

Homeschool the easy way

Homeschooling can still happen even if you are sick.  I personally don't like the children to stop just because I am sick.  I find that it can get more challenging if they don't, because they get up to mischief and they start having a go at each other.

This is what I do:

* Read aloud time is extended - I read if I can, otherwise I get the children to have turns.

* Computer work:  I have a few really great computer programs which we use for History, English, Anatomy and Mandarin.  So any of these can have them learning with the least amount of supervision.

*  For little ones, bring toys into the room you are resting in and CLOSE THE DOOR.  Let them play in the room with you.  

*  For the more easily distracted children, let them work on the bed next to you.  Nothing motivates a child more than knowing someone is watching. (at least in our house it works that way)

*  Don't stop extra curricular activities if you can help it, as they need to get out.  Ask someone in your group to help.  Give them a call! You might not be up to it, but believe me your children are - and hopefully they will use up some of that energy before they come home.

 *  Get your husband to get some good quality educational videos or audio books.  I have had my children watch some amazing nature videos - different learning medium and they loved it.  Audio books are an excellent resource for keeping play quiet. They are usually so enthralled by the story, they don't want to miss a word.  The result?  Quiet play.  Lego is great for this.

* Focus on  your core subjects - don't try and do everything. 

*  Home school when you can.  I often sleep late when I am sick.    Have a chat to your children the day before and let them know what you expect of them.   Let the children spend the first part of their morning doing chores and some quiet free play in their rooms where they won't disturb you.

Encourage and Thank Your Family Frequently

Tell them how much they mean to you for what they are doing.  I know the cynical might say, "well I do this every day and no one says anything to me".  But this is your opportunity for positive reinforcement.  Your children need to know that they are helping you.  Most children get quite concerned when mommy is sick because "mommy never gets sick".  Reassure them and encourage them.

Your husband will be stretched and will need you to tell him what a great job he is doing.  From grocery shopping or even the fact that he made it through the day in one piece:)  Let him know his value.  You will be building him up and your appreciation will motivate him even more!

I would love to hear from you.  

How do you cope when you are sick? 

Do you have a special strategy that helps you cope?  

Why not leave a comment and share some of the lessons you have learnt through these times.