Everything you could possibly need

I am going through a very challenging season at the moment.  I feel like every aspect of my life is under a magnifying glass, pressure points are being exposed and I have felt very resentful and irritated with life.  Then I found this gem today and I felt like God just turned my face from looking at my circumstances to Him. 

This is a devotional by Max Lucado:

"Are you hoping that a change in circumstances will bring a change in your attitude? If so, you are in prison, and you need to learn a secret of traveling light. What you have in your Shepherd is greater than what you don’t have in life.

May I meddle for a moment? What is the one thing separating you from joy? How do you fill in this blank: “I will be happy when ________________”? When I am healed. When I am promoted. When I am married. When I am single. When I am rich. How would you finish that statement?

Now, with your answer firmly in mind, answer this. If your ship never comes in, if your dream never comes true, if the situation never changes, could you be happy? If not, then you are sleeping in the cold cell of discontent. You are in prison. And you need to know what you have in your Shepherd.

You have a God who hears you, the power of love behind you, the Holy Spirit within you, and all of heaven ahead of you. If you have the Shepherd, you have grace for every sin, direction for every turn, a candle for every corner, and an anchor for every storm. You have everything you need."

Max Lucado
From: Lucado Inspirational Reader
Copyright (Thomas Nelson, 2011)
To learn more about Max Lucado visit his website

 

Christmas: A time of gladness or sadness?

I know everyone is looking forward to the holidays, if you are not already lying in the sun absorbing the rays (that would be for those of us in the Southern Hemisphere of course) or putting on layers and layers of clothing before heading out to build snowmen (romanticized view of snow countries:).

This year more than most I am reminded of how many families or individuals are not in that space.  The holiday cheer, the joy and the celebrations.  Again I was reminded yesterday of how there are those who are in a vulnerable place needing lots of support.  I was in that place 4 years ago.  I had just lost my daughter.  Many of you know Ruthie, but I had another daughter before her - only for 9 months but she was mine.

At that time I wrote an article in the Christmas of 2007.  A story of loss and comfort.  A story of tears and of hope.  I would like to share this story with you now and trust that if you are going through something that you feel you cannot cope with - there is someone who understands something (not everything) of how you feel during this season.  And our God who will love you through it.

My Precious Daughter

Today is the day of gifts and presents, a day of blessings and surprises. Yet I wonder to myself why I feel the urge to write with my family outside. Children running around, laughing – the smell of food cooking and conversations drifting in through the door. My mind is drawn back to gifts I have received over the years and yet there is one gift that I will never forget, and one which brings both a sadness, joy and longing rushing in. My precious little gift from our Father – my daughter, Savannah.

I was told by the gynecologist that he was concerned that she was small and that she was growing too slowly but I never even suspected that there was a problem. I had three robust, healthy boys. I was expecting my first daughter, which in itself was a wonderful surprise as we had never really expected to have a little girl. As the thought of having a daughter grew, I became aware of other little girls, thinking – she'll be a little like her, and she'll probably have eyes like that little girl, and oh I would love to buy her a little dress just like that one.

When the day of delivery came, I gave birth yet before I had even seen her, a paediatrician came to see me and told me that she had Trisomy 18, a fatal chromosomal disorder. Everything that could be wrong was wrong with her. Her insides were a mess, her heart was weak and had a hole, she had Pneumonia and the doctor said she would probably not live more than 48 hours. I sat in shock and asked him to bring her to me, as they had still not shown me my daughter, before they transferred her to a neighbouring government hospital for intensive care as we had no medical aid.

They brought her in, wrapped up tight in this little blanket from which a tiny face peeked out, with little eyes that looked back at me so trustingly. I couldn't see what was wrong; my mind and heart could not make sense of what had happened nor what was wrong with her. They took her away and I was left at the hospital. My mind surged. I felt close to hysteria.  I wanted to shout to the heavens .....WWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYY??????????

Friends of ours arrived and brought a word of encouragement, I heard words like “faith” “fight for her because no one else can” , “don't give up hope” but they were all a blur. I remember looking at them thinking – How can you say that? Do you know? Do you understand? I had visitors, all loving family from the church reassuring me, bringing gifts and I remember thinking - how can they be so calm? My world had fallen apart, and my thoughts were anything but loving and Christian.  This couldn't be a gift from God. You hear all the time that God doesn't make mistakes but how could he have allowed this to happen knowing that she was going to die prematurely?

The next 4 weeks were a blur. Parents came down, friends supported us. I lived at the hospital and lived in a place of never knowing whether I would arrive to another exhausting day or to be told she was gone. The fact that she lived past 48 hours in itself was a miracle. People came from everywhere and prayed for her. Old pastors, friends and family phoned from overseas and everyone was crying with us. In my mind I kept thinking “God what did I do wrong? Why are you punishing me and why are you punishing this little body with tubes? How could a loving Father allow this? How could He watch His little girl Savannah suffer like this as they stuck needle after needle into her little body? Had I been disobedient, had I done something so bad to be punished like this?

After 24 arduous days we took her home when it became clear that hospitalization was pointless, though the staff did not think it was a good idea. The boys had not been allowed to see her and they were overjoyed. They held her lovingly and vied to hold her. Everyone wanted to hold little “vannah”. They saw nothing wrong but loved her fully. They didn't see the physical abnormalities but loved her whole heartedly from her first day home. As she grew they tickled her and even made her laugh, they had long conversations with her as she listened intently, they held her and stroked her hand, they told her all the time how much they loved her and bragged endlessly to their friends about their sister Savannah.

What happened over time in my heart could only have come from God. Initially my heart was torn and broken but slowly my heart started to warm to her and I didn't look at her critically anymore - I remember one momentous occasion during worship at our church. I felt like I needed to thank God for his gift, who, though broken in my sight, she was perfect in his sight – so I took her to the front of the church, took two flags and waved and worshipped above her and thanked God for this wonderful gift he had given me. I remember the tears falling down my face as my heart was exposed before him, broken and sore. As I did this, the Holy Spirit poured down onto me. I wept openly not caring who saw but knowing that this was so important. I had to forgive God, had to forgive myself for all my thoughts and feelings and had to show Savannah that I loved her just as Christ loved me with all my blemishes, imperfections and brokenness.

From that point I started to see her beauty. Its amazing how God opens our eyes to the beauty of others when we love them. Instead of seeing her mis-shapen ears, I saw how she turned her head when she heard my voice. Instead of noticing her squint I heard her giggles as we tickled her. I wanted to hold her, I wanted to take her everywhere I went. I put her in little dresses that I had kept for her, I held her to me and loved her knowing that I had to treasure every precious moment with my little treasure.

I would love to write the words “and they lived happily every after” but that would not be true.

She got sick and though I fought in faith, once again my heart was broken. This time I had to watch helplessly while she slipped away. What I remember at the end was how God was with me and held on to me so tightly, though I didn't understand why this had all happened. Just before she passed away I got a phone call from a close friend who shared that he saw how at prayer meeting that as they were praying for her, it was as if they were there lifting her up into the Father's arms. It was at that very moment that he shared that word with us, she left us. I know that God wanted us to know where she was, who she was with and that she was treasured. When my heart longs for her I am often reminded of that word of encouragement and I see this picture time and time again of her dancing in heaven while our Father looks on in joy. She has a pink little dress that swirls and she turns and turns, laughing and giggling. When she's tired she falls down on His lap and leans against His chest while she holds onto Him with both her arms around His neck.

Is it over? No, otherwise I wouldn't be writing this today. But my feelings are ones of longing mixed with joy. I have realised through this that she has been a blessing in our lives. The whole church adopted her, she became theirs as much as ours. Even now I have friends telling me how often they think of her and miss her and they become tearful and it brings such a sense of wonder that God could use such a little waif of a girl to impact hundreds of people's lives and give us such an awesome privilege to love not just our daughter but his.

His precious little girl, the apple of his eye, the wonder of his heart, the expression of his love. Thank you Lord for those precious moments, thank you for your heart of grace. Thank you for your precious gift to us – Savannah. My precious daughter. 

A friend of ours wrote this beautiful poem for us:

Precious little one

How our hearts ache now you’re gone

There’s a longing inside

And when the last tears have dried

Still we’ll miss you

Little one.

Precious baby girl

Fragile little pearl

Your days here were few

And deep down we knew

God would come for you

Little one.

Precious little rose

As time comes and goes

Your memory will stay

And we’ll meet again one day

Forever in our hearts

Little one.

kindly written by Melissa Knott

  If you would like to read more about our journey, my husband wrote a small blog during this time which can be found  here.

Is your fridge empty?

I have developed an intimate relationship with my fridge recently.

The shelves, the freezer and the veggie rack as it as slowly but surely emptied out.  In fact yesterday it was so empty, I was tempted to switch it off entirely.  The car has been on an orange warning light for 3 days because there was is petrol in the car and I was down to the last 20 units of electricity (which is dangerously low for a family of 6 that eat, shower and live in the house all day as we home school and run an office from home).  

Oh don't feel sorry for me! This is life.  This is our life - every now and then.  Not all the time, though mind you.  the last time it was so challenging was probably about a year and a half ago, and the memories still linger.

Why share this?  

Because I want to be real. 

In fact I was a little irritated initially .... like God, we've done this and been through this before, why now again?  The irony is that Sean has invoiced a lot of his clients and many of them owe us a lot of money but they are just not paying..... yet (yep, keeping it positive).  So the week progressed and things got worse and I thought - now what?

So we started praying - I mean we are always praying but we started praying for breakthrough (Now just on a side note - we are incredibly transparent with our children.  We believe in family and we believe in family being team).  But still nothing happened. Which I must say is unusual because when we pray together as a family, God has always faithfully responded to our prayers.  

As I was praying and meditating on this, God reminded me of family. Yes,  we have family which we can call out to and they can "save us"  by helping us but I was reminded more specifically of how we have a family that is family because we belong to God.  Our family is not made up of blood and genes but of Spirit.  We are not called to struggle alone but to share one anothers burdens as we walk through life.  Not that they take our struggles away from us because there is a reason for what we go through them.  But not to walk the walk alone.  

When I shared this with Sean, he said he had just had the same revelation!

So off we went and sent a brief message to our "family" just asking them to pray. 

And then what happened?

Glad you asked....Now at this point it would be wonderful to say that money poured into our account and we were overwhelmed with financial prosperity..... that would probably please most of us who have a desire for happy ever afters - but no that wasn't what happened.  

What happened was:

*  friends and family responded by saying they would support us in prayer

*  scriptures were sent to us to build our faith

*  Sean received a phenomenal number of calls for further business

*  a special lady (my mom! - yep they do still get in an help and I am not to proud to accept it!) made a small deposit into our account to carry us for 2 to 3 days

*  and the children were able to see God's hand through all of this.

In fact God is working something in them too.  Two of my children came with their most prized possessions and offered to sell them to help the family.  Now you might be horrified that our children were exposed to this but God has done something in their hearts too.  They are looking beyond the "me" and "I".  What a beautiful moment to have my children come with hearts to serve and sacrifice.

Though we didn't take them up on their offer, we reminded them of Mary who poured her most precious possession on Jesus' feet - her perfume.  And to this day we read of this remarkable woman, who didn't heal anyone or perform any miracles but simply gave her best as a sacrifice to Christ. I reminded them of this passage and I was able tell them that to God, what they had just done, was the same.  They were prepared to lay down their most prized possession for the sake of others.  Wow! What a special moment.

So, back to our empty fridge and empty bank account.....yes its still looking bare .

But if you are going through trials look for the treasure in the trial.  And there are so many treasures to be had.  Friendship, support, our children, the opportunity to have your faith stretched and grown.  But there is no greater treasure than knowing the love of God and "better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere". Psalm 84:10

May your faith be restored today.

May you be encouraged to say : "In Him I can"

May you share your burdens with others so that they can pray with you and walk with you!

May you be filled with the wonder for God and find your first love for Him.  Not for what He does or can do for you, but just because of who He is.

*******************

AND THEN SOME MORE

Because I know how much prayer and family has meant to me, I have put a little badge on my site on the right hand column.  If you need prayer and don't know who to email, why not pop me a note... you are welcome to remain anonymous and we will pray for you too. 

Reflections:The Blessing of Thorns

Yesterday my little girl Savannah was born and 9 months later, we released her into the arms of our Father in Heaven. Yesterday a friend sent me this note and I don't even know if she knew why she sent it but it reminded me again to remember to be thankful.

THE BLESSING OF THORNS
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door.

Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole that from her.

During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son. She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come for the holiday.

Then Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer.

She has no idea what I'm feeling, thought Sandra with a shudder.

Thanksgiving? Thankful for what? She wondered. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" The shop clerk's approach startled her.

I....I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra.

"For Thanksgiving? Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the Thanksgiving "Special?" asked the shop clerk. "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys 'gratitude' this thanksgiving?"

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong."

Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Just then the shop door's small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, "Hi, Barbara...let me get your order." She politely excused herself and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses. Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped: there were no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" asked the clerk.

Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please," Barbara, replied with an appreciative smile. "You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said as she gently tapped her chest. And she left with her order.

"Uh," stammered Sandra, "that lady just left with, uh....she just left with no flowers!

"Right, said the clerk, "I cut off the flowers. That's the Special. I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet."

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that!" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling much like you feel today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she was facing major surgery."

"That same year I had lost my husband," continued the clerk, "and for the first time in my life, had just spent the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel."

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra.

"I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for the good things in my life and never questioned the good things that happened to me, but when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask questions! It took time for me to learn that dark times are important. I have always enjoyed the 'flowers' of life, but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop. "Hey, Phil!" shouted the clerk to the balding, rotund man.

"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving Special....12 thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind me asking why she wants something that looks like that?"

"No...I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we slogged through problem after problem. He rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she learned from "thorny" times, and that was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said.
"It's all too...fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?"

"Nothing. Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you would like to read it first."

It read: "My God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked You a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."

Praise Him for your roses; thank him for your thorns!