Thursday, July 14, 2011

The biggest mistake I ever made

Mistakes, oh dear yes, those things we don't like to tell everyone! 

Well thank goodness there are none of us that are above making mistakes so I know that all of us can identify with the feeling when we make them.  In fact I have often said to my friends - if only they knew.  Of course the they would be all those of you that don't know me very well. The ones who still think that I am that beautiful, dignified (you can clear your throat dramatically at this point), well mannered, submissive (OK that hurt a wee bit), disciplined (not sure that Virgin Active would vote for me on that one), tidy and organised individual - that I am not.

Its so easy to be so convincing for the masses but spend time with people who get to know you, the real you starts to seep through and then its not so convincing anymore.  I have however realised that without being honest, we lose the opportunity to connect with people on a heart to heart level.  No one wants to be around Miss Perfect, aren't they a pain!  Of course none of us have tried to come across that way. 

Mmmh, let me think of an example...You know like when a child grabs at something at the shop for the 5th or 6th time and we are just about to launch into a mini lecture with threats of what-will-happen-when-you-get-home-talk, and some sweet old lady comes walking down the aisle?  So instead of giving our child a tongue lashing, we grit our teeth and speak very slowly and sweetly and tell Little Johnny to"please not touch the pretty things on the shelves".  Of course this then gives the old lady the opportunity to stop and admire our bunch (which are still running circles around our leg squealing and causing the thermostat to rise even further) and to let us know that we are such a wonderful mother to have so much patience.  Of course we accept this complement graciously.  We smile sweetly and tell her how much we love our children and love going shopping with them and that its so good to spend time with them. (which is true..... most of the time)

Ha! Ring any bells! Of course not - must just be me..... .  Of course the flip side of this is that we feel like such a hypocrite and make a concerted effort to continue in this patient mode trying to be the person we have just pretended to be.  We grit your teeth and ask the children to behave again, smiling as we do this.  We speak slower and slower and  use our eyes to convey messages in a hidden language to our children who still haven't managed to learn this rather important form of communication. Finally we pay and we march quickly to the car with the children running behind us trying to keep up, almost knocking people over with the trolley before in utter relief we reach our car.  We bark out an order for the children to get in.  They now realise that things are not as peachy as they had hoped and look at us expectantly.......waiting..... We climb into the car.... They wait in silence.... When the door finally closes ..... we let rip! And we make sure we are driving when this happens so that others can't hear or see our yelling. 

Oh yes, that crazed lady driving past you would be me! Very undignified and mad as a hatter.  So what's the point? 

The one's that know us, know the truth

Yep, those children who saw us speak sweetly to the old lady, know the truth. Our husbands knows the truth.  The ones we have offended when our under cover act hasn't been as successful as we would like, know the truth.  The biggest mistake I have ever made is thinking I could hide my imperfections and I could act so well that no one would see.  But its useless, we're not that good.  But there is hope, because when we do confess our weaknesses to one another, yes - even our children, they have the opportunity to help us, pray for us or even share of how they struggle with the same thing.  Isn't it a relief to know that we are not the alone in these struggles?

I love spending time with people who know how to laugh at themselves, tell it like it is and who are open and transparent.  They are less intimidating and you feel the freedom to do the same.  And this is where real heart moments happen. Being real and open about who we are opens up a door to deep friendship.  I love imperfect friends.  I love that they have bad days, because they can help me cope with mine because they know how it feels. I love friends who make mistakes, big ones and little ones because they can offer me a hope that I can make it through those disaster moments.  I don't want friends who pretend to be perfect because then I go into "hide mode" again, I make comparisons and feel like I am the worse mother and wife.  But the ones who remind you that we are all very human, with a very fallen nature, who are all relying on God's grace and mercy to change and transform them - as Facebook says it so well - I like!


  1. love this! smiled all the way and mom were so good and peaceful yesterday..and today things..just kept falling..and i had to keep picking things i am off to make nutritious hot dogs..;)...

  2. oh I so love hot dogs, they are just the right thing to serve on one of THOSE days. I just manage to block out all the thoughts about what goes into one when I am having a bad day.

  3. Hi Mel! Saw your comment on my blog and just wanted to say hi! Glad to know I'm not alone in this mothering journey :) Blessings to you!

  4. Thanks Amy, really appreciate you popping over here. I think there are so many of us who are all trying to learn just a little from the mom walking next to us - and you were one of those:)


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