Monday, February 27, 2012

Confessions of a Crack Pot

Oh I have lots of cracks in fact, I am a real crackpot, imperfect in every way.  I know its hard to believe:))  So to convince you, I thought I would mention some of those cracks of imperfection.  However, if I were to bump into you in a mall, or a homeschooling group or say church - I will deny all knowledge of this post and pretend that it doesn't exist - :))

 Crack #1
I'm loud, opinionated and am constantly saying the wrong thing or asking the wrong question.  I can just see it on the faces of people I talk to.  That look which says I've gone too far, offended someone or they simply do not agree with what I am saying.  Even as I say something I wish I could grab hold of it and shove it back down into my mouth.

Crack#2
I struggle with insecurity and being shy.  And I KNOW that none of you really believe me even as I write this.  I always get this - What you?  NEVER!
But I am!  I am very bold and totally not shy around people I know but I struggle to initiate or hold a conversation with people I don't know.  Once I get past the name, address and what you do - if nothing else crops up - I find some kind of lame excuse revolving around my children. 

Crack #3
I struggle to live without TV.  We used to have DSTV but we disconnected - I don't have to watch anything specific, I just like watching something.  I often abandon other more worthy occupations or activities just to watch TV and spend far too much time at night watching.  Now I only watch the occasional video and only watch telly at my mom's house or when I go to gym (sad I know).

Crack #4
I have a short temper and I am far too emotional.  I even get cross with myself for not being more patient.  I I often respond emotionally to a situation, rather than waiting and allowing my emotions to stabilise.  I have hurt relationships with friends in my inability to hold my tongue until my emotions have stabilised.  Damage that really could not be undone. 

Crack #5
I don't like confessing to being a crackpot, just in case it just confirms every one's worst fears. 

So there you have it, some but definitely not all of them.  I wouldn't want to frighten you off with too many confessions but just keeping it real.

I would love to hear from you.  Tell me if you dare, what cracks are in your pot. 

9 comments:

  1. Mel, it is so good for us to be real with one another...Yup: I too struggle with being emotional and getting angry when I should not.I see myself reflected in my daughter and sometimes I worry for her as I know what I went through as a teen and I know just what she is thinking... I take things personally when I should not and end up analysing things I should let go of. We too had to let go of DSTV and I miss the shows hubby and I used to watch together.Those are my cracks...not worn with pride....

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    1. I know what you mean, when I see my children getting cross, I can just see a reflection of who I am. I keep praying for the fruits of the Spirit but feel like there is still soooo much work to be done.

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  2. Ah Mel, life would just be too hard and intimidating if everyone else was perfect. Me, I love a good book. Nothing wrong with that. But I read a lot, and I tune the world out. Seriously - burnt food, warring kids, overflowing baths (the resulting unhappy husband). I call it escapism. TV? Also on my list, which is probably why I police my kids' screen time so intently. We'll leave it there for now. Quick, click "publish"

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    1. Exactly - escapism. I think you hit the nail on the head. I want to escape from thinking about everything I should be doing and in fact if I fill my mind with everything else then I forget what needs to be done - which feels good at the time but then just starts to pile up until I am absolutely overwhelmed!

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  3. Thanks once again for a very humourous but real post...too many cracks in my pot to mention. lol x
    Shell

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    1. I know that was what was so scary, I felt like I could make a long list. So much that can only be changed by God.

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  4. The crack in my pot... I am such a perfectionist... my poor kids are constantly being told to fix up, pick up, work harder, behave better, dress better.... ad nauseum!! I destroy myself (and them) with this tendency of always wanting to do my very best at whatever I do... so failure destroys me... I also need escapism... but I run away from the people in my life and take time alone to recover, and then start all over again.... I even retyped this post a few times... to get it "just right" LOL - I am crazy!! Thanks for keeping us "real" Mel!!

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    1. I know all about perfectionism, I expect my kids to be perfect even if I am not:(

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  5. Thanks for laying your heart out on the line. I just had a week where I was unwell and weak. All the cracks I thought I'd covered and mended reappeared. I read a blog about the fallacy of trying to be Mary Poppins and I realised that I'm nothing like her - I'm me and I humbly accept that I am imperfect (even though I wish I was perfect!). From one cracked pot to another.
    x Julaine

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Go ahead, leave a comment! I would love to hear from you!